After four long months — and a new replacement for my TV remote control thanks to a little “accident” on the night Chris Daughtry left the show — it’s finally the Big Night. If my internet connection’s willing, I’ll live blog this… but no promises.

07:03 – Off to a big start. My, but Ryan’s head looks extra large against a black background. Talk about a person who’d make a good bobble-head doll. But, oh, the drama when they turn the theatre lights up and we see Ryan surrounded by a wall of humanity. Wait, was that Ben Stiller hiding behind a woman in a hajib?

07:10 – Hey, Chris Daughtry is back! No, wait, he’s just in the audience. Man, that has to chap his hide.

07:11 – Katharine’s singing first. Ugh, it’s a re-run: “Black Horse in a Cherry Tree.” Well at least this time she’s not sitting on the floor. Oh wait, there she goes. Nope, she’s up again… and dancing. Lord, please make her sit down.

07:13 – Randy: “Yo, yo. It wasn’t all that super, but it was better than the last time you did it.” Paula: “Aw, man. America loves you. I love you.” (Someone really needs to find out what Paula’s got in her glass there.) Simon: “I’ll give it a good with a small g.” (Well, at least he’s a good speller.)

07:15 – Taylor takes the stage in the most god-awful fuschia velvet blazer I’ve ever seen. Hugh Hefner might want to check his closets for missing items. The song, “Living in the City,” might actually be bigger than Taylor’s voice. There’s a few rough notes in the beginning, and midway through the song the background singers actually sound off-key. Or maybe Taylor’s throwing them off. Hard to hear above that jacket.

07:17 – Randy: “Yo, yo. Yoyo ma.” (Wait, is he talking about the cellist?) Paula: “You and I match tonight.” (Yeah, your lack of brains and his lack of taste in clothes.) Simon: “Great way to start the show. But obviously the worst jacket I’ve ever seen in my life.” And if you thought we’d all be spared the bit about “Soul Patrol,” you’re wrong. But I doubt they heard him over that jacket, either.

07:22 – Katharine’s turn again. Again with a repeat performance: “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Is it just me, or is tonight’s show feeling like a K-tel record of Katharine McPhee’s Greatest Hits. (If you’re reading this in a month and find yourself wondering, “Who?” that was kind of the point.) Yes, she’s back on the floor again folks, because she wants you to feel like it’s just you and her and those other 15,000 people in the theatre whose hands keep waving in front of the cameras. Unfortunately, I can’t help but feeling she’d look more appropriate on top of a grand piano in a cabaret bar. But maybe that’s just me.

07:25 – Just noticed that Katharine seems to be wearing her mother’s entire jewelry box. Goodness, there are – what? – a dozen necklaces there? Randy: “Well, I thought it was anti-climactic that you were doing the same song but you worked it out.” Paula: “Aw, look, your Daddy’s crying.” Simon: “You got slaughtered on Round One. Now you come back with your best performance of the competition thus far.”

07:27 – Katharine says she’s surprised that she started on the right key since her ear monitor wasn’t working. Um, excuse me, but I thought singers are supposed to know the right key.

07:31 – Taylor’s up for Round 2 with a reprisal of “Levon,” the song that made Simon change his mind about Taylor’s longevity in the competition. I like it when Taylor sings ballads — he gets that whole George Clooney brooding thing going with his eyebrows and that thick Alabama pours out like honey. He didn’t take it as big at the end of the song as I’d expected, but a nice job.

07:34 – Randy: “Nice song. To be honest – ‘cuz I gotta keep it real, it’s gotta stay real, I’m all about real — it was a little pitchy.” Paula: “Well, pitchy may be the essence of Taylor.” (Does she freaking listen to what she says?) Simon: “Paula, that doesn’t make sense.” (Thank you, Simon.) It’s anyone’s game right now, but personally I give Taylor extra points for having ditched that horrid jacket.

07:40 – Katharine’s back for Round 3 to sing what will be her first single, “My Destiny.” No self-indulgence tonight. [/irony] I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m watching a little girl who borrowed her mommy’s clothes and makeup, and that little half-wave she began the song with didn’t help at all. Ew, I see she didn’t take my advice on wearing a girdle, either. Perhaps next season American Idol will spring for full-length mirrors in the dressing rooms. And… OH MY GOD. What the hell was that note that just assaulted my ear? Oh no, there it goes again! And again! Please make it STOP!!!!!

07:44 – With my ears still recovering from being violated by that series of bad notes, I can’t hear a damn thing the judges are saying so I’m going to guess it goes something like this: Randy: “Yo, yo. Keeping it real. Hate the song.” Paula: “I love you, man! I love you! I’m your biggest fan! I love you!” (Really, is she on crack? I wouldn’t be surprised.) Simon: “You’re going to need all the votes you can get from your two earlier songs because that song sure won’t bring them in.”

07:51 – Taylor’s back for his third and final song, “Do I Make You Proud?” Another nice, slow ballad replete with many George Clooney eyebrow moves. Unfortunately, the song is so soft in the beginning that I half-worried I’d fall asleep. I just might have, too, had it not been a perfect Tayloresque song: crescendo through the middle capping off with a big, bluesy end. Even if I had fallen asleep, Taylor screaming Soul Patrol oh, a half-dozen times or so, would’ve woken me up.

07:54 – Randy: “Much better song than Katharine’s.” Paula: “Great song!” Simon: “Assuming I was right and the show was tied, then you just won American Idol.” That, of course, set off Randy and Paula — because they like pointing out that they wanted Taylor on the show back during the auditions whereas Simon hadn’t. Wonder if they’re going to take credit for moving Taylor’s lips for him, too?

As for me, I’m going with Taylor. A short jaunt around the blogosphere says I’m not the only one who feels that way. He’s been consistently good, has shown a great range and has side-stepped the floundering that marked much of Katharine’s performances throughout this season. Besides, I’d rather look at that hideous purple jacket for days on end than have to live through another one of Katharine’s fakey little girl acts.

UPDATE: Randy at ETC is just about as turned off as I am by Katharine’s behavior of late and the discussion at Wizbang! is almost as heated (although slightly more intelligent) than the pissing contest on DialIdol.com’s message boards.