The Dreaded S-Word
As any homeschooling parent can tell you, the most frequent question (or challenge) we encounter from other parents about our child’s education environment boils down to the dreaded S-word: Socialization. As in: “Kids who aren’t forced into social interactions with other children their same age can’t possibly be considered ’socialized.’”
Witness, for example, the kerfluffle that happened at Dean’s World when he agreed with me about the perils and pitfalls of public school attendance as the primary method of ’socializing’ kids. The one thing missing from the conversation at Dean’s was a single scrap of evidence that any ’socialization’ occurs through the public school system, much less that it’s inherently superior. To put it another way, a staggering number of people seem to believe that public school attendance is synonymous with socialization.
The circularity of the argument is nearly laughable when one recalls what socialization means.
(psychology) The process whereby a child learns to get along with and to behave similarly to other people in the group, largely through imitation as well as group pressure.
Suffice it to say, then, that both homeschooled children and their public schooled counterparts are ALL socialized. The question is: to conform to whom? Homeschooling parents, myself included, believe that the greatest gift we can give our children is a personal role model, a functional home, a family that stands behind them in their own pursuit of excellence, and an education consistent with the morals that we claim.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is what alarms those who believe children should be sent to public school so they can be socialized. They fear Johnny will be warped because his parents — who do not believe in evolution, for example — choose not to make that part of Johnny’s science curriculum. They cloak it in concern whether Johnny will know how to get along with other runny-nosed children his age, whether he’ll know what it’s like to be picked last for a team, whether he’ll be prepared to ask a girl on a date some day long down the road or if he’ll crumble the first time his boss passes him over for a promotion (assuming he can even get a job, being homeschooled and all).
But what they really, really mean is this: they don’t share the same morals as Johnny’s parents. They want Johnny to learn what they themselves believe, and they wrap it up in a nice, neat little package they call ’socialization.’ Or, as Freeven noted in the comments:
The socialization argument is a canard. Public schools can’t be defended on the academic merits, so they have to look elsewhere for talking points. These things get parroted around, but ask for any hard evidence and the discussion is pretty much over.
Interesting, isn’t it? Non-homeschoolers do not believe that parents should have the right to independently educate their own children in a manner consistent with their family’s moral beliefs if they don’t share those beliefs themselves.
Frankly, I don’t call that ’socialization,’ although I do agree it smacks of a different dreaded ’s-word.’
UPDATE: Anwyn’s trying to decipher the comments of a Montessori advocate who, while remarking on the “positive social effects” of that approach notes: “Typically the home environment overwhelms all other influences in that area.” While I, being jaded, interpret that remark as yet another educator who believes that schools are inherently superior to a child’s actual parents, Anwyn’s taking a proactive approach and actually emailing the ‘expert.’
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The ability to get along with Other People is seriously overrated; it’s no accident that you hear this sort of drivel from the same yutzim who insist that we need to be nice to nations (and non-nations) who hate our stinking guts.
Right on.
I have to agree that the ’socialization’ argument does not hold water. However, I don’t look derisively at public or private schools either. In the final analysis I think that if parents are engaged and involved with their child’s education, if parents set standards & expectations and follow through, if parents look at their children’s friends to try to eliminate bad influences, that they can provide their children with a good education regardless.
As for inculcating children with morals or views the parents don’t agree with, well that’s going to happen any time they walk out the door into that big wide world without parental supervision and interact with others. The most any parent can hope for is that their teachings and example have made a
positive impact that their children believe and try to emulate as they find their own way, because there if their is one sure bet, it’s that children will inevitably, for better or worse find their ‘own’ way.
Incidentally……
I have recently received an e-mail from a fellow blogger (albeit a liberal, but nobody’s perfect) who shall remain nameless,……
Easing Back In…
Lest anyone think that blogging is a walk in the park, it’s not. It would be even less so if I cared about my traffic. It’s a difficult matter to find things over the course of the day (if you blog at night as I do) that are 1) relevant, 2)…
I probably share many of your same beliefs. I think the important thing is to teach our kids to think for themselves. With my children I don’t want to shelter them from other points of view that differ from our family. I think it is best to expose them to these and be able to discuss the differences, and hopefully our family values win in the end. This I believe will produce a more stable adult.
The best response I ever heard to this was a homeschooler asking an interviewer - “Just what social skills do you think my son is going to learn from fifth grade boys that I would want him to know?”
I had a roommate in college who was homeschooled her entire life up until college. It was very difficult to get her to talk and open up because she just wasn’t used to meeting new people and interacting with them. She was a business major and had trouble doing group projects for her marketing classes. It was challenging for her to input her ideas and speak her mind in front of people she didn’t really know. She wasn’t used to asking her professors a question in front of a classroom of 200 people. What do you think of this of being homeschooled? I know it may be a unique circumstance, but she herself told me that she thinks that being homeschooled her is a main reason she has these social anxieties. How is she supposed to get a job in the business world and succeed without being able to put out her ideas and work with her coworkers without feeling intimidated?
Most of the homeschooling parents I know go to great lengths to ensure their children have social contact outside the home. It’s actually a running joke among the h/s community about how much “schooling” actually takes place in the car.
Our kids participate in community sports leagues, music lessons, art classes, church groups, homeschooling co-ops, etc. We take them on field trips, which are often surprisingly more in-depth than those they’d take at school. Granted, I can’t speak for all homeschooling parents, but I’ve yet to meet any whose kids don’t have at least one activity outside the home, and quite often h/s families are among the most “going out” folks I’ve ever encountered.
So, I guess in all fairness, Jessica, I’d say that your friends parents may have slighted her if they didn’t prepare her to meet new people, feel comfortable in situations outside her own home/family, or have confidence in her own intellect sufficient to allow her participation in class.
Then again, perhaps she’s just an intrinsically shy person who would’ve been uncomfortable around others regardless.
I was public schooled and still to this day struggle with anxiety in social situations. It is so important for parents to take stock of their child’s social behavior and address concerns, whether homeschooled or not. I don’t doubt that too much home isolation can work against a person’s group adjustment, for lack of a better term, but just group schooling by itself is not necessarily the antidote, as kids (like me) who go to school can still wind up with similar issues.
Hi, I’m a new reader, coming over from the Carnival of Homeschooling, but Jessica Sanders just touched on my pet peeve. I have to say that that girl with anxiety sounds just like me. I went to public school and graduate school and I still cannot speak to a small gathering of people without blushing, stumbling, stammering, and getting completely flummoxed (I quit grad school b/c I realized I’d never be able to teach a class or give an effective paper). Strange, though, I blame going to highschool and being so ridiculed by all the “cool kids” in hallways and in and after class for assigned public speaking assignments for making me nervous about speaking to other people. School kids are just as awkward, shy, and socially misfit as anyone. My best friend from high school would literally pass out (like fall on the floor in a faint) when she had to give presentations in front of people. She accepted that that was the way she was and took steps to correct the situation instead of blaming her parents for putting her in public shool where she had been ostracized for being different.
Shyness and social anxiety are more a product of nature than nurture. While personal experiences do make a difference, inborn personality is the deciding factor. If you are shy or an introvert, you can learn to “fake it” so that others don’t notice, but an introvert can NOT be taught to feel like an extrovert.
My oldest daughter who has never been to school is an extrovert. She speaks and performs with ease and enjoys it. My second daughter, who also has never been to school, is more an introvert. While she can speak and perform, it is not something she enjoys.