SOTU Address Summarized, In Advance
So, you can’t decide whether to stay home and watch the President’s State of the Union address or whether to go out and have that beer? Let me help. I already know what he’s going to say, and — despite being a card-carrying Republican who’d like to say I’ll be watching but I try not to lie — I’ll save you time by summarizing the President’s speech:
“My fellow ‘Mericans. [blah, blah, blah] Now, some of you have heard experienced military leaders, elected officials, political insiders and the majority of the voting populace say that we should not send more troops into Iraq. [blah, blah, blah] I’m going to be sending more troops into Iraq. [blah, blah, blah]
Others of you are concerned about the economy. But the economy is strong. The economy is good. The economy is, well, far better than any of you realize, no matter what your bank balances tell you. [blah, blah, blah]
And, now, let’s be clear. I am not unaware that voters spoke at the polls at our last election. I look forward to working in a bipartisan manner with the new Congressional leadership. [blah, blah, blah]
But, when it comes to issues like Social Security, Medicare, tax reform, No Child Left Behind and just about every other promise I’ve made, well, we’re doing good. We’re going to stay the course. [blah, blah, blah]
God Bless America. Thank you, and good night.”
Now you can go have that beer.
You’re welcome.
UPDATE: See, I was right.
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Thanks for saving me the time. I was really torn — should I watch the hot air exude again or do something productive? I think beer is disgusting, but it still sounds better than the alternative.
(Nope, I’m not fed up at all)
I hate beer, too. I’m making “do” with a martini. Oh, and if I get truly bored I’ll paint a square on my wall and watch it dry. But I won’t be watching the SOTU.
Heresy! Beer is awesome!
Especially a good dark porter or oatmeal stout…mmmm….beeeeeeeeeer…..
Gotta go have a Guinness. Back shortly.
Beer = burps, farts and the infamous beer poops.
I’ll stick with my ‘tinis.
Damn you’re good. Can you tell me who’ll win the Super Bowl?
State of the Union - Comedy Tonight!…
Something familiar,
Something peculiar,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Something appealing,
Something appalling,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!
Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars and clown…
Hook, I agree with MW that it’ll be Da Bears. And, why? Because that’ll ensure that the rest of us have to listen to those loudmouths from Chicago gloating for the next year (and, even if they don’t make it back to the Bowl for another 21 years, we’ll still be hearing about it).
Colts. Do not be dissing my Peyton, sir!
“It’s not my Peyton’s fault.”
“No, Peyton looks good.”
Cool points to anyone who knows where I modified that quote from.