No, I did not have cramps. Yes, that means there’s still a week’s worth of bitchiness left in this month, and I’m not going to warn you in advance when it’s coming.

I didn’t run off to a tropical island with my bartender. In fact, my bartender is hardly speaking to me these days since I’ve been going out so little that he can now barely make his student loan payments. Besides, I don’t like the tropics. Give me cold weather any day!

I do have a new computer game (besides SimCity 4) waiting for my attention, but having learned that staying up all night gaming only leads to a miserable homeschool day, I’m waiting until tonight to crack it open. (Why, yes, that might mean blogging will be light tomorrow. Glad you asked.)

Although I have been known to not to be in the mood to blog (or to have nothing to say), that’s when I hunting around for paying work. It’s amazing how money can motivate me to come up with something to write about.

So the prize goes to the lonely soul who guessed that I didn’t blog yesterday because I was too busy cleaning and/or cooking something. (Send me your credit card number, expiration date, date of birth, mother’s maiden name and your social security number to claim your prize.)

In fact, I cleaned a lot in the hope of reducing my allergy symptoms.

See, I own a Dyson Animal vacuum cleaner (and, no, that’s not a paid link; it goes to Amazon).

One of the first rules of Dyson ownership is that the first thing you must do is to gross yourself out by cleaning your house top-to-bottom and discovering just how much dirt you’ve been living with. I did that quite some time ago, and realized that even with my daily cleaning routines the place was far yuckier than I ever thought. Since then, I’ve been rather religious about vacuuming the floors, but lazy about getting things like the mini-blinds, ceiling corners, curtains, furniture…. OK, everything that’s not a floor.

So I spent yesterday moving and vacuuming under furniture as well as all the other not-so-obvious places, and just about wore out my thumb hitting the “empty” button on the cannister to purge the nine (yes, nine) buckets of cat hair, dust, dust mites and other miscellaneous crap hidden around the house. I had no idea there were so many allergy triggers lurking about!

See what I just did? I fulfilled the second rule of Dyson ownership, which is “You must imply that non-Dyson owners are living in a cesspool of filth thanks to their old-fashioned vacuum cleaners”. In this way, Dyson owners somehow make themselves feel better for having spent so much freaking money on a vacuum that still, despite all the hype, makes you do all the work.

Yes, I cooked, too, but the results weren’t nearly as spectacular. In fact, they were downright ugly.

I’ve spent the past week cooking various international dishes, mostly with great success. Last night I took a stab at Korean food: spicy pork bulgogi, as a matter of fact.

Now, I consider myself a fan of spicy food. I’m the one who adds garlic-chili sauce to her jalapeño burgers and throws more Cajun hot sauce onto “hot wings”. But even my eyes watered throughout dinner (which I did, in fact, manage to eat). VH was only able to endure the pain by alternating bites of bulgogi with generously buttered bread and swallows of milk. Wimp.

Next time I’ll have to remember: either red pepper paste or red pepper flakes but not both.

So be glad, kids, that my heartburn-related sleeplessness isn’t keeping me from blogging today, because by all accounts getting only 2 hours of sleep usually makes me too cranky to think about blogging the next day.

Hmmm… on second thought I think I’ll just start that week of bitchiness right now.

You’ve been warned.

Friday, October 12th, 2007, 9:23 am   |   My Venomous Life  |  RSS feed Comments and pings are currently closed.