I never manage to catch American Idol on the night it airs. And, yes, that means I never get to vote for my favorites (or, as is the case lately, I don’t get to vote for everyone but my least favorites). No one else in my house can stand the show, which means I Tivo it to keep me company on those occasional nights when insomnia hits.

That didn’t stop me from feeling relieved last week when Ace got voted off. So, ok, I’d initially looked forward to seeing his bright-eyed gaze and megawatt smile each week. I mean, with everyone’s song choices alternating between utterly unsuitable or painfully dull, looking at Ace had been the highlight of the past few weeks. Still at some point Ace’s best feature — that faraway look he took on at the end of each song — started being less attractive and more… vapid. He was doomed when his song choices began to match.

I’ve yet to watch this week’s performance. However, since I get to fast-foward through all the commercials and Ryan Seacrest’s inane commentary and purile Simon-baiting, I figure I can catch the whole show in 38 minutes and still have time to watch the live elimination show. (That, by the way, amounts to a 16 minute show even with Ryan’s blather if you skip the ads. Oh, how I love Tivo!)

Personally, I’d like to see Kelly Pickler get the boot. Yes, she’s an adorable, country-fried ingenue and all but so was last season’s winner. (Whose CD, unlike the previous years’ winners, I have no interest in buying, much less listening to.) I hate country music, and that’s that. Should Kelly decide not to return to her backwater little town and get some wider life experience — and, hopefully, an accompanying musical education — I’d be thrilled. She has a wonderful voice and that “It” quality that Simon is always talking about — but even Billie Holiday would sound like shit to my ears if she sang country.

That said, I take back my earlier bet on Paris. She bores me. Being 16 and the scion of a great musical family has insulated her from the work of having to find herself and her own style. She’s floundered throughout the season, and even with the chops she occasionally exhibits, I have yet to find myself anticipating what she’ll do each week. If anything, I dread it: will she or won’t it be like a trainwreck? Yes, I’ll watch her… but only to satisfy my curiosity in that one regard.

Taylor and Katharine? Let me just say that each reek of self-satisfaction in their own strange ways. And while I think they both have quite nice voices, their personalities strike false notes that turned me off some time back. [Note to Taylor: Earn your fans back. Sing "Me and Mrs. Jones"!]

So, in my mind, it’s down to Chris and Elliot — neither of whom are really what one would superficially consider “Idol” material. And, yet, perhaps that’s why I like them.

I adored Chris’s take on Louis Armstrong two weeks back. The Venomous Hubby liked it as well and, since it’s “our song” we listened to it not once but twice. I was both shocked and disappointed in Idol listeners to find him standing in the bottom 2 the following week. That said, I think the very fact that he was in the bottom two demonstrates that his fan base is looking for a metalheaded Idol, which means his recording career has already been relegated to a niche that I outgrew a few years back.

As for Elliot… Has anyone else noticed that, since making the Top 10, he’s starting to look more like Robert De Niro and less like a troll? No matter: when a guy has a voice like his and the humility of a genuine soul, what more does he need except, perhaps, Simon Cowell’s pecs?

On another note:

Now that’s a separated at birth photo!