So, we’re off on what will be a frequently updated post as I “live blog” tonight’s American Idol show as an excuse to have the living room to myself… for once.

7:01 – Could Ryan Seacrest’s shoulders be any wider? True, they need to balance out his rather large (and mostly empty) head, but sheesh. I haven’t seen anything like that since Joan Collins bitch-slapped Linda Evans. Not that I remember much else about the 80′s, mind you.

7:03 – Elvis songs all night? Oh sweet Jesus. And here I thought I’d had enough martini makings. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

7:04 – Taylor may owe a heaping of thanks to Tommy Mottola’s recommended key-change. His biggest problem (well, second only to his “dancing”) has been the boredom factor as he’s played it too easy with his vocals of late. But… what the hell was the deal with his face in the guitarist’s lap? Did he spend too much time around Rod Stewart two weeks ago?

7:07 – Randy says: “Blah, blah, blah.” Paula says: “Blah, blah, blah… oh, you look good.” Simon is, per usual, smack on. (Particularly when he told Paula to shut up. God, I love that man!)

7:09 – Damn. It just dawned on me that by excluding the Venomous Hubby from the living room, I’ve also banned my bartender. Gonna have to fix that.

7:13 – Chris Daughtry wears briefs. Well, now I can sleep. Personally, I prefer bikinis on a guy but, hey, he’s singing my favorite Elvis tune: Suspicious Minds. And, oh, damn. Were I wearing any underwear myself right now I’d be sorely tempted to fling them at the TV. He sounds that good.

7:15 – Randy: “Blah, blah, not your best vocal performance for me.” Paula: “Blah, blah, you look great.” Simon: “That worked.” Have I mentioned lately how truly deep my lust for Simon runs?

7:17 – Early in the competition, someone ruled Elliot out as a strong competitor. I believe their exact words were “He’s got amazing vocals, but he still looks like a troll, and trolls don’t win American Idol.” Well, his looks have improved but I can’t claim to be a fan of this song. He’s got the chops to pull it off, though. And I maintain he’s looking increasingly like Robert De Niro.

7:19 – Damn, but these are short songs, aren’t they? Randy says: “Yo, yo, dude, you laid it out.” Paula: “Blah, blah, this is your best performance of the season.” Simon: “So far tonight that was the best performance.” After which, no doubt, millions of average-looking guys in America cleared their throats and wondered if they could sing.

7:25 – Katharine’s doing “Hound Dog” with a twist? Ah, now it becomes clear: she’s doing her own personal medley. Doesn’t hurt that Tommy Mottola just called her a better singer than he’s used to hearing on Idol.

7:26 – Ok, I confess. I’m not a big Katharine fan. Yes, she’s got wonderful pipes, but there’s just too much about her that strikes me as what my mother used to call “put on.” Oh, and that screechy final trill didn’t help, either.

7:27 – Randy: “What happened in the middle?” Katharine: “I dropped a line.” Me: “Bint.” Paula: “You had fun, though.” Me: “You’re a bint, too.” Simon: “It looked like a desperate, manic audition. I can sing, I can dance. It was manic, it was shrieky.” Me: “Do me, Simon. Do me!”

And with that, it’s time to look for my favorite bartender.

7:33 – Taylor’s bedecked in black leather for Round #2. The Venomous Hubby was so busy shaking my martini (loudly) that all I caught was something about a girl and a flying mattress. Somehow, I don’t think I wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

7:34 – So, Tay-Tay’s picked In the Ghetto, one of the most haunting Elvis songs written. Unfortunately, Taylor chose to ratchet up the key, making it fit his voice so much better than if he’d tried doing it in Elvis’s bass. He’s got the urgh in all the right places. I’m liking this.

7:36 – Randy: “The right key for you finally.” Eh. Paula: “What was great about it is that it shows a whole different side.” Damn, she’s said that about Taylor at least 8 times in this competition. What, is he an octogon? Simon: “You’ve just guaranteed your place in the Top 3.” Yep, he did, if my speed-dialing fingers have anything to say about it.

7:38 – Chris comes out right on the money with Satisfy Me. Oooh, man. Who’d have thought bald could be so damn hot? Perfect, perfect key for him. Perfect song. I’m satisfied.

7:40 – Ouch. That last note was… not good.

7:41 – Randy: “That was hot.” Paula: “I adore you.” Simon: “I thought your first song was a lot stronger.” Yeah, it was. But both were so far beyond what we’ve heard out of the guys on Idol in past seasons, so either way he’s raised the bar.

Speaking of bars… and bartenders… here’s mine. Just in time for the commercial break. God love him.

7:45 – We’re back! Elliot’s back with his second song and his off-show tape shows suitable humility. As Tommy Mottola says: “He’s really a laid back kid. He’s humble.” But as the clip shows he’s not afraid to be a geek. I kinda like that.

7:47 – Elliot singing I’m Evil. Something I never thought I’d see. Something I’m damn glad to have heard. If the typing on this one’s sparse it’s because I’m dancing.

7:48 – Before I get to the judges’ comments, let me just say: That last vocal run was grand! Randy: “On the stage, dude, I think that was your best performance ever.” (Thanks, Randy, for screwing up my American Idol drinking game. Not one “dawg” yet. Damn!) Paula: “I changed my mind. That was your best performance ever.” Simon: “You came out fighting. You deserve to go to the next round.” Meanwhile, Ryan pointed out that Paula’s dancing makes him feel like he needs to give her a dollar. Well, I didn’t see her but I know how I was dancing. (And who the hell would’ve thought that Simon, of all people, would’ve slammed Ryan for being disrespectful toward Paula Abdul? Yes, folks, it’s going to snow in hell tomorrow!)

Meanwhile, it looks like we’ll all be spared the dreaded group performance. Oh, lucky day!

7:54 – Katharine’s closing out the show with one of Elvis’s most well-known ballads. Meanwhile, Tommy Mottola points out her tendency to forget the import of the lyrics. Hm. Not a good combo.

7:55 – Let me repeat: I’m not a fan of country. To elaborate: I’m also not a fan of hiccupy-sounding country-style singing. To me, this song is over the top. But, hey, to paraphrase Paula, she looks good. Even without a Spanx.

7:57 – Randy: “Well, that was better than the first one.” Paula: “I thought it was lovely.” Simon: “It was so over the top, the middle part, that it was just too much.” See why I like him? He’s a smart man. And, oh, those pecs!

So that’s it, aside from whatever drivel Ryan Seacrest feels obligated to add in order to extend the show by 2 more minutes. As for me, I wouldn’t cry if Katharine was gone. But I’m guessing that, as the sole female left in the finals, the guys’ fans will be too split up to get her out of there.

Ultimately, if I had to choose between the four, I’d vote Katharine off. But it’s not solely up to me so, as a betting woman who thinks none of the guys will pull a significant enough majority, I think we’ve probably seen the last of Taylor.

And that’s it. My one hour of having the living room to myself is already over: the Venomous Hubby and Big-Eyed Boy have booted up the PlayStation, and I’ve been kindly asked to tend to the laundry that’s now growing wrinkled in the dryer. At least I’ve got some good music to hum along to while I work.

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006, 7:02 pm   |   American Idol  |  RSS feed Comments and pings are currently closed.