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My youngest can be aggressive, most especially to her middle sister (for some reason she doesn’t get aggressive towards her oldest sister). Do we allow her to get away with it? Not at all. Through OT we have learned how to discipline her and it works. Her aggression has gone down a lot. We have learned how to help her understand the world her body lives in, even if her mind doesn’t live here. One thing we learned through OT is that autistic children MUST HAVE discipline in their lives – that is true!! But conventional discipline doesn’t work. And what works one day may not work the next. Every day is a new adventure with an autistic child. Every day is a learning experience, for both the child and the parents. And every day can be filled with joy when the proper steps are taken to care for, teach, and discipline the child in the proper way. Savage’s way is not the proper way.

Venomous Kates last blog post..Autism and the Michael Savage Fiasco

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Which is not to say that I doubt the depth of your love for your son — if anything, I think parents of autistic children learn a more selfless form of love than the rest of us.

That’s the nature of autism: it’s a thief. It steals children away and locks them into a world to which even their parents are denied a map. It steals the dreams of parents at the same time: the dreams of the experiences they’d share, the dreams of what their children’s lives would be like, and the dreams of the adults their children would one day become.

You’ve clearly realized your son’s limitations and have decided that flying with him isn’t good for him. It’s stressful on the kids in ways that they shouldn’t be expected to overcome. (I say this as someone who worked for 3 years as a supervisor in an adult sheltered workshop and for 4 years before that in a “children’s home”.)

Unfortunately, that’s the new style of parenting special needs children: pretending that they DON’T have special needs. There’s only one person that benefits: the parent who gets to still feel mainstream. The kids (and later the adults) who get exposed to society without the caveat of their special needs wind up feeling bad about themselves.

That’s what frustrated me about the American Airlines incident. I didn’t understand why the mother put her son through that. My own son is “on the autism spectrum”, which is to say that he has “narrowly focused interests and verbose, pedantic communication… a fact into which most Pajamas Media commenters didn’t bother to inquire. I took him on a flight from KCMO to Honolulu, HI when he was 3 and truly in his most symptomatic state. My husband and I spent the majority of that 13 hour flight cradling our son in the lavatory rather than inflicting his behavior on other passengers… or exposing him to THEIR condemning looks.

Having said that, I knew to buckle him in. Even as he screamed. Even as it ripped my heart out to subject him to such an obvious discomfort. It was necessary — the military was moving us to Hawaii and, let’s face it, you can’t *drive* there.

So as one parent whose child is only “mildly” autistic to one who is brave enough to say your child lives with this every day — as do you — I applaud you. And I wish there were few Michael Savages in this world.

Because, as you pointed out, Michael (air name “Savage”) Weiner is. I did not at any point state in my article at PM that I agree with him. I do not. I cannot.

But I do believe he’s entitled to state his opinion, and the corollary is that I also believe the rest of us have a right to call him a misguided idiot.

I did.

I just don’t understand why so many Pajama Media readers didn’t catch that. Thank YOU for having done so.

Venomous Kates last blog post..Autism and the Michael Savage Fiasco

Let’s assume that autism and it’s related conditions are bona fide maladies. That does not give those so afflicted the right or the superlative ability to harm or endanger others. You have no “right” to fly. If you cannot abide by the laws pertaining to air flight, you should choose an alternate form of transport. And I do expect parents to know better. Accommodations are made for the ill and disabled all the time, but we do not do things like allow the blind to drive a long haul truck. Yes, public funds paid for the roads and everyone should have access to them, but we are not going to willingly and knowingly endanger the other users of the roads.

And in the spirit of full disclosure… I’m the *parent* that will probably feel the need to get up from the table right when that insolent brat on Wheelies is gliding through the restaurant. I’ve watched that kid wipe out a waitress (who was told later by the kid’s parent to “watch out next time”), crash into *my* table, run into a wall and endanger everyone (including the restaurant’s liability policy). You don’t really have the right to cause harm to others. And that goes for your kids, too.

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More importantly, it’s apparent to most people that Savage was spouting off his own ignorant opinion. Had you bothered to read the article (you can read, can’t you, M?) you’d notice that I didn’t agree with him.

Fucktard.

Venomous Kates last blog post..Autism and the Michael Savage Fiasco