Bin Laden’s Back

by Venomous Kate

The rumors of Osama bin Laden’s demise were greatly exaggerated. He’s back in the news, with a new video tape in which he fully claims the responsibility for 9/11 and tries to rationalize his decision.

“In spite of our being in the fourth year after the incidents of the 11th (of September), Bush is still misleading you by hiding the real reason from you. Therefore, everything is there to repeat what happened. I will talk to you about the reason behind these attacks and will tell you about the moment that this decision was taken. God knows that it had not occurred to our mind to attack the towers, but after our patience ran out and we saw the injustice and inflexibility of the American-Israeli alliance toward our people in Palestine and Lebanon, this came to my mind. The incidents that affected me directly go back to 1982, and what followed when America gave Israel the permission to invade Lebanon with the help of the American 6th Fleet. At this difficult time, many thoughts came to me. They brought a strong desire to reject injustice and they created a strong determination to punish those doing this injustice. While I was looking at the destroyed towers in Lebanon, it came to my mind to punish those unjust people in the same way, to destroy towers in America to make them feel what we had felt, and to deter them from killing our children and women.”

Although few of us are likely to be surprised that bin Laden timed this latest video for release just days before the U.S. Presidential elections, it nevertheless is a bit surprising that he didn’t try using the video to influence the election outcome. “Your security is not in the hands of Kerry, Bush or al Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands,” he says.

I guess that makes him an “undecided”, too.

UPDATE: Ed Moltzen has a message for Osama.

4 Responses to “Bin Laden’s Back”

  1. Did Bush get Osama?

    He had 3 years and 3000 reasons

    He failed us

  2. I think that, at some point, OBL would’ve said “Bush will not keep you safe”, but now he’s realized that Kerry has NOTHING going for him other than the fact that he’s not Bush. Therefore, he’s like, “well, if I tell them not to vote for Bush, then Kerry will try to prove himself by coming after me, but if I tell them not to vote for Kerry, then Bush will probably still come after me but at least I’ll have a little warning because CNN will be all over it as a ‘failure’… I’ll just tell them that neither one will help, which will keep voters out of the polling places except for the ones that are bused (bussed?) in, and they’ll vote for Kerry, but Kerry won’t think I endorsed him, so *BEEPBEEPKABOOM!*”

    That last bit was the sound of Osama’s Head A Splode-ing.

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