Despite the would-be drama of last night, I went to bed early. Granted, I needed the sleep and, thanks to the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals, I couldn’t have stayed awake even if I’d wanted. But even without painkillers for my injured knee I’d probably have gone to bed anyway. Having said my part and voted my way, I saw no reason for me to stay awake to witness the results. Truth is, after all of the hype and the let downs, by last night I just didn’t care.
Nor did I care this morning. Regardless of what goes on outside of my house, my mornings are devoted to my family’s routine: having coffee with VH, getting the Big-Eyed Boy up and ready for school, then actually getting him to school on time. Those moments are precious to me: they keep me sane. I wasn’t about to let anything interfere with that.
At some point, though, I did realize what had happened. I’m just not sure that I care. Like my knee — which has been injured and re-injured repeatedly over the past week to the point where it’s more numb than anything else — my mind feels mostly deadened by the drama leading up to yesterday.
And so, now what? The decision is made and the outcome was always a known possibility. It’s hard to get too upset over something you always knew could happen. To let it drag you down, to rail and weep about it, speaks of self-delusion more than anything else.
Me? I’ve always been the kind to hope for the best but to prepare myself for the worst, and to never let anyone talk me into confusing the two. Sure, some might speak against assuming the worst of things, but it’s my experience that one couldn’t actually make that assumption if the facts weren’t pointing toward it in the first place. So maybe that’s why I’m fine, although saddened, by what happened yesterday. Having expected it, having spent some time pondering its likelihood, even, there’s just nothing worth being upset about.
With respect to the election, I’ve read a lot of email from people today saying how angry and betrayed they feel. Their messages are rife with “if so-and-so had only…” hindsight, blame-shifting for the past while making cataclysmic predictions about the future. And, each and every one of them have asked, what do I think? My thoughts are simply this: it was what it was. What happened yesterday was heart-breaking, but it was also yesterday.
The art of living through yesterday is realizing that it isn’t really the end of anything at all but, rather, the beginning of a chance to set aside the drama and start something better.