Archive for ‘Money Bites’

July 3rd, 2011

Kids Don’t Have To Think Reading’s A Chore

by Venomous Kate

To say that my son is a reluctant reader is putting it mildly. I’m not sure when the problem started; he used to adore reading books together, and being read to. Of course, he used to also get away with staying up late by begging me to read his favorite books “Just one more time, Mommy”. Then I’d see him dragging the next morning and realized he needed sleep more than he needed to hear Goodnight, Moon for the umpteenth time.

I guess his dislike of reading really emerged around the time we transitioned from homeschooling to public school in third grade. At that point we were introduced to the Accelerated Reader (AR) program which confused both of us greatly. See, the name makes it sound like kids are challenged to read books on the higher end of their skill level purely for extra credit. In practice, it’s a task they’re assigned over and above homework, with participation in fun classroom activities dependent upon their performance. And how is that performance assessed? By a test, as if kids these days aren’t being tested enough.

So my son, when presented with his quarterly AR goals, balks at them. Most books that capture his interest are a mere 2 or 3 points, while his goal was consistently closer to 20. For those doing the math, that’s one and a half books per week, assuming he scored 100% on the test for each, on top of his homework. Last year, that homework took nearly two hours a night. Needless to say, when faced with the chance to get outside and play once homework was done, or to sit and read for the 30 recommended minutes each evening, he chose playtime. Can’t say I blame him.

One thing I wish? That his teachers knew about the Reading Rainbow video series with its 153 episodes on a variety of themes designed to intrigue kids and point them to books that will capture their interest. Perhaps with some guidance like that, along with the activities and curricula ideas, we wouldn’t have floundered around looking for books that would appeal to him. As it was, we didn’t find any last year, so my son never did make his AR goal.

Oddly enough, that doesn’t seem to be a problem this summer. See, I picked up the Lemony Snicket series at a garage sale not long ago. If you’ve ever read one of those books, you’ll know that the back cover warns kids to go pick a different book — any different book — because this one’s probably going to spook the heck out of them. Reverse psychology? Of course. But it’s brilliant, I tell you. My kid’s finished the entire series in the month that school’s been out, and today he announced he’s starting back over at Book One so he can experience them all again.

Now, if only he’ll hurry up with it so I can start reading them, too!

June 30th, 2011

Toto, I’m Getting Pretty Sick of Kansas!

by Venomous Kate

Ft. Leavenworth flooding June 2011 As happens twice a year, the latest crop of Command and General Staff College (CGSC) students are settling into their new temporary homes. On the short walk between my front door and the mailbox at the front of our subdivision I met four new neighbors, and it seems like there’s an out-of-state license plate on the cars parked in every other driveway.

Now that my husband is retired, I kind of envy those still on active duty who get to move regularly, if only because they don’t yet know what it’s like to live in a house crammed full of clutter. A house where, just as you finally get the exterior painted, it’s time to paint the interior… but first there are floors to repair and windows to replace and, oh, when did the roof start leaking??? No wonder I’m always on the lookout for good moving advice!

Of course, the way things are going around here, I imagine I’m not the only one daydreaming about packing up and heading somewhere — anywhere — away from our triple-digit heat indices with the gusty winds that only make matters worse.

Oh, and did I mention the flooding?

The levee on Ft. Leavenworth has been breached, and our riverfront parks and buildings are closed. On any given evening there are so many people going to check out the water level that it feels like a festival, with old friends greeting each other and the occasional wag dropping a fishing line into the middle of 2nd Street to see if anything bites. Not that there’s any reason to hurry down to look: the flooding’s expected to last well into August.

Frankly, I’m sick of summers like this, and we’d be moving if I thought for one minute our house would actually sell. Until then, I figure I’ll just pass along this site comparing local movers‘ rates, including customer reviews. They even offer a discount for military families.

Yep, I’m daydreaming now, too.

March 28th, 2011

Careful, Kids, Big Mama Is Watching

by Venomous Kate

Big Mama May Be Watching, Too Once upon a time, I used to be rather rabid in my defense of civil liberties. I got my rage on when computer cookies started tracking users’ web activity, as if the mere act of going online (almost unavoidable in this day and age) constituted a waiver of one’s right to privacy. When I’d read about schools suspending little kids over what they deemed “distracting” haircuts or “inappropriate expressions” on t-shirts, I railed about free speech and the importance of training youth to value their rights so they protect those of the next generation. Time was when I could go on for hours ranting about the unfairness and repugnance of “no knock search warrants”.

And then I had kids.

If it weren’t for computer cookies, I wouldn’t have known that my then-13 year-old daughter had stumbled into a couple of shady corners of the internet (purely by accident, she swore). When my then-8 year-old son wanted a blue mohawk I skirted the argument by pointing out that his school’s dress code bans such “edgy” looks. And I’ve told both kids that if I suspect they’re up to no good in their bedrooms I’ll barge in when I damn well feel like it. That, I tell them, is the difference between owning property (which I do) and living in it rent-free (which they do). No, they’re not always happy about my views, but them’s the breaks. I’m the Mom, and around here my word is law.

So imagine my surprise when my now 19-year-old daughter came home from college over the weekend and said she wants one of those GPS tracking systems on her car. Well, okay. What she really said was that she wants a GPS, because she’s apparently inherited my inability to get anywhere of import without getting lost. On her last trip home, getting ‘lost’ meant driving around downtown Kansas City around midnight on a Friday. I know first-hand how frightening that can be. (Like I said, she inherited my poor navigational skills.)

I’m more than happy to install a GPS on her car. I’m just going to go her one step better and make sure it has a vehicle tracking option. See, “her” car is one that my husband and I pay for. The title is under our name, and we foot the bill for the insurance. Ergo, like many parents, we feel entitled to set some limits on her driving, such as: no road trips from central Missouri to Chicago and back with five of her closest friends, and certainly no Spring Break trek to and from Florida.

But she swears to me (in the same tone of voice she once used to explain she had never, EVER been to certain websites) that those trips were all taken in someone else’s car, just as she swears she has NO idea why her car has had more engine and tire problems than mine has, even though I’ve owned my three times as long.

What would really seal the deal, though, is if I could find one of those GPS tracking devices that also disables cell phone text messaging while the car is moving… something else she swore to me she’d never do. In a text message. Friday night. About 20 minutes before she pulled into the driveway.

July 7th, 2010

Former RNC Chairman Helping Companies Go Green

by Venomous Kate

It’s not often we get to read about Republicans doing great things to help the environment, so it’s heartening to learn that Ken Mehlman is overseeing the global external affairs at Kohlberg, Kravis & Roberts, Co. (KKR).

You may remember Ken Mehlman for his stint as the 62nd chairman of the Republican National Committee, or his 2001-2003 tour as the White House Director of Political Affairs under George W. Bush. So, what’s a former RNC chairman doing with KKR, and how is it helping the environment?

KKR, a global equity firm, has sunk 20% of its portfolio into a program that saves both money and the environment. The :Green Portfolio Program” was initially created in 2008 in partnership with the Environmental Defense Fund.

The portfolio highlights corporations that are improving their bottom lines “greenly” — by reducing their carbon footprints in the areas of paper waste, chemical use and consumption of both energy and water. The initial three companies which participated in the program, Primedia, Sealy and U.S. Foodservice, discovered ways to reduce their impact — while also improving profits — to the tune of $16.4 million. Not surprisingly, other companies paid attention. KKR now has a dozen companies participating in the portfolio program, and no doubt more will soon follow. After all, what’s not to like about saving green and going green?

Kudos to Republicans like Ken Mehlman and firms like KKR for leading the way to a new best practices.

March 3rd, 2010

Newspapers Just Don’t Get Why They Suck.

by Venomous Kate

Considering how internet-centric my life is, it may come as a surprise that I’m still a big fan of dead tree media. Magazines? I can’t get enough of them. Though I absolutely adore my Kindle for reading books, using the joystick button to navigate between headlines and sections of magazines or newspapers is a freaking pain in the neck.

Also, many of my most-loved magazines (National Geographic, Natural History, Smithsonian) have rich, delicious photographs that just don’t translate well on the Kindle. Sure, I could read them online but then there’s no satisfying tha-whick! when I flip pages like there is with the real thing (though I suppose I could just make that noise myself).

Point is: I’m not inherently biased against print media. If anything, I’m still a big fan… provided the publication’s print format offers something pleasurable, something that can’t be replicated online. When it comes to newspapers I just can’t think of one that’s not better enjoyed in its digital format. For one thing, reading a paper online means I don’t have to wash my hands when I’m finished. Also, I can sit down to read it whenever I’m ready, without having to first comb my hair, change out of my bunny slippers and grab a jacket to hide the fact that I’m still in pajamas at 11 a.m. as I shuffle to the driveway to hunt for today’s issue where, invariably, one of my neighbors will see me.

Even with all of that hassle to go through to get my paper, I’d stayed a weekend subscriber until this morning. That’s when, confronted with 6 unread papers still soggy in their plastic bags, I realized I’ve just been wasting money because I’m not reading the things. And the truth is, I hadn’t subscribed to actually read them, anyway: I subscribed so I could get the Sunday coupons, the savings from which easily covered the cost of the paper plus another $12 or so per week.

Until my husband took over the grocery shopping again, that is.

Back when that chore was mine I’d spend a couple of hours or so every Sunday combing the coupons, clipping out the relevant ones, cross-referencing them with the sale flyers from our local grocery stores, compiling a store-by-store shopping list based on where coupons and sales would give us maximum savings, and then I’d spend a full afternoon running from one market to another until I’d picked up everything on our master grocery list for the week.

Yes, it was as much of a pain in the ass as it sounds, but at the end of the day I could shake my wad of receipts in my husband’s face and say, “Look how much money I saved!” Of course, I never managed to have a wad of cash equivalent to our savings to show him because a day like that was invariably capped off by a trip to the liquor store where I spent every penny we’d saved… and then some.

So, today I called the newspaper to cancel my subscription. That, too, was a pain in the ass because, like many businesses’ customer service departments these days, our paper doesn’t get the service part… particularly when you’re about to stop being a customer. The conversation went something like this:

VK: “I’d like to cancel my subscription effective as of today.”

Rep: “I’d be happy to help you do that. May I ask why?”

VK: “I don’t read the paper. I’m not interested in reading the paper. I only subscribed for the coupons, and my husband won’t use them. So it’s a waste of my money.”

Rep: “Well, then, you understand you could be saving (some outrageous amount of money) every week with the Sunday coupons, right?”

VK: “No I can’t. See, you’re assuming I’m going to use every single coupon which, even if I still did the grocery shopping wouldn’t be the case.”

Rep: “Okay, maybe not quite that much but, still, you could still be saving money with coupons each week.”

VK: “Except I don’t do the shopping anymore. My husband does, and he won’t use coupons. Period.”

Rep: “Does he know he could be saving money?”

VK: “Yes, though I sometimes suspect he’s not a very smart man that, at least, is something even he can understand. He just won’t use them. So, cancel my subscription, okay?”

Rep: “So why don’t you do the shopping yourself?”

VK: “It’s none of YOUR business why I don’t do the shopping anymore, okay? Cancel my subscription!”

Rep: “I’m just saying that if you did the shopping and used coupons you could save money every week. With this economy it seems like doing the shopping so you could save money with coupons is a small effort that can really pay off.”

VK: “Do you even realize what you’re saying? Basically, you’re trying to convince me to subscribe to weekly delivery of coupons! Not the paper itself — which I’ve noticed you haven’t mentioned at all — but just the coupons. And on TOP of that you want me to rearrange my life and my household routines so we can use those coupons which, obviously, we aren’t that interested in or we’d be using? Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?”

Rep: (Pause) “Okay, ma’am. I’ll process this cancellation. Now, would you mind completing a survey about whether you found the coupons in the Sunday paper a good value?”

VK: “AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!” (*click*)

December 7th, 2009

Christmas Gifts for Women Who Are Tired Of Bath Sets

by Venomous Kate

On behalf of countless mothers and wives who wake up on Christmas morning to find they’re getting a set of scented soaps and bubble bath (again) because their husbands and/or kids wait until the last minute to do their Christmas shopping OR don’t have a clue what Mom might like OR just don’t give a hoot, I thought I’d share a list of some non-scents gifts to keep the woman in your life from spitting in your Christmas dinner. Every item on this list is something I’ve bought or have been given in the past year, so you can shop confident in your knowledge that you’re buying something with the Venomous Seal of Approval (you know, if there was such a thing).

iCarPlay Got an iPhone (or iPod)-loving Mom on the go? Help her get her groove on while driving with the Monster iCarPlay Wireless Plus FM Transmitter/Charger for iPod ($17.99). Not only will she be able to groove to her favorite iTunes but since the iCarPlay lets her talk on her iPhone hands-free through her mini-van’s car stereo system, she’ll be able to safely flip off all those annoying drivers who forget to use their freaking turn signals.

monitor Okay, I have to admit: I first bought this for the Venomous Hubby’s birthday, but it wasn’t long before I came down with a severe case of monitor envy. I mean, here I’m always worried about crow’s feet and those annoying red spots on the side of my nose that my glasses leave, and HE had a monitor big enough to read email from across the room? We’re now the proud owners of not one but two of these bad boys. So why does the woman in your life need this massive I-Inc Lcd 28″ LCD Monitor (at the comparatively low price of $319)? Why, so you can play Dragon Age: Origins after she’s passed out from all of that hardcore Christmas Day cooking, of course!

flipcam What’s better than a video camera that slips into a purse so it’s handy when Mom wants to record her kid scoring the winning goal or starring in yet another dance recital? A video camera so small she’ll have it available to roll your own homemade pr0n when the two of you are “doing laundry” or whatever it is you’re doing behind that locked door while the kiddies stand there asking “Why does Mommy sound like she’s choking?” With the Flip UltraHD Camcorder, 120 Minutes ($149.99) you can have it all!

keurig Know what sucks more than spending your morning making sure everyone’s awake, fed, dressed and ready to head off to school/work/community service only to find that someone finished off the coffee and didn’t bother to make a fresh pot? Nothing! Keep the household CEO sufficiently caffeinated with this Keurig B40 Elite Gourmet Single-Cup Home-Brewing System($98). It brews a fresh cuppa in a matter of seconds, comes with a nice sampler of coffee and teas to start, and ensures you’ll never have an empty coffee pot come flying at your head because you forgot — again — to make more after topping off your travel mug. (For you frugal-minded folks check out the Keurig My K-Cup Reusable Coffee Filter that lets you use your own (cheap) grind instead of shelling out for new K-Cups. $8.99)

BrotherPTouch Okay, no one likes labels being attached to them. But to their stuff? Well, that’s another matter. Let her indulge her inner control-freak with the Brother PT-80 P-touch Electronic Labeling System ($13.19). It’s perfect for labeling files, spice jars, shelves, keys and just about everything else. Just don’t blame me if you come home to find, as VH once did, that she’s gone a little bat shit crazy and labeled the light switches, too. (Hey, it saves electricity and light bulbs, so how crazy can it be???)

silkrobeIf you’ve already gone ahead and bought her a bath set, don’t worry: there’s still time to redeem yourself. Couple it with this gorgeous 100% Silk Robe ($109.00) and a coupon promising you’ll take the kiddies out so she can soak in the tub without interruption, and you might just get to stuff her “stocking” come Christmas night, too!

So, what’s on your Christmas Wish List this year? Share in the comments if you’re so inclined, and feel free to leave this page conveniently visible on your monitor in the hope your spouse and/or kids see it.

March 10th, 2009

Why Not Throw A Boutique Party? [Money Matters]

by Venomous Kate

With the economy growing worse every day, it’s increasingly common to hear about people not only working a regular full-time job (if they’re lucky enough to still have one) but also looking for home-based businesses they can run in their spare time.

Well, here’s an idea: why not throw a boutique party? You know, like the Avon parties of old, only featuring apparel and accessories instead? It’s surprisingly simple to do, assuming you’ve got a bit of money to invest up front.

1. Plan the date Simply come up with a list of friends who’d likely be interested in attending and pick the date of your party. If your list consists mostly of mommies, go for weekends so they actually have the time to get away from the kids. Then be sure to encourage your invitees to invite their own friends to attend, too.

2. Select your wares: As we all now, the ultimate rule in shopping is to never, ever pay retail. That goes for a boutique party, too. Here’s where providers of wholesale apparel come in: their fashionable merchandise comes in reasonably-priced bundles of 6 containing an assortment of sizes (usually 2 small, 2 medium, and 2 large) for as low as $30.00. That’s $5 out of your pocket for each blouse, but since you’re throwing the party to make money you’d obviously want to mark the price up a bit.

3. Accessorize: Want to expand your appeal? Offer an assortment of wholesale jewelry, too. With attractive, layered-look beaded necklaces going for $12 for a pack of twelve, that’s just a buck a pop out of your pocket which means you can mark them up as much or as little as you like.

4. Lay out a nice spread: Don’t just offer piles of shirts; display them attractively — perhaps paired with accessories — just like you really are running a boutique. Yes, that means you’ll want to have a bathroom or two set aside for those who want to try things on. But don’t limit your spread to stuff for sale, either; these are guests, after all. Put on some music, offer a nice variety of appetizers and beverages, and encourage people to linger and mingle since that will increase the likelihood they’ll buy something.

5. Treat it like a side-business: If you’re smart about it, your opportunity to make money doesn’t stop when the sale is made. Print yourself some business cards and encourage everyone to take a few. Draw up a nifty tag with your phone number and attach it to each item. Do the same with paper shopping bags. You’ll get your name out and, if you’re lucky, you’ll be invited to throw other boutique parties at someone else’s house where they can do the cooking and cleaning while you just rake in the cash.

February 17th, 2009

Their Version of Lipstick on a Pig

by Venomous Kate

As if I didn’t already find President Obama annoying enough, the man interrupted my daily TMZ viewing to announce he’d signed the economic stimulus bill.

My first impression: just twenty-nine days in office and his hair already noticeably more gray. Guess losing sleep wondering how to keep all of the promises made to different voter blocs with competing interests will do that to a person.

Then I felt bad for being so superficial, so I tried paying attention. After noticing that he was stumbling far more in this speech than ever before, I couldn’t help wonder if maybe even he was having a hard time buying the line of B.S. coming out of his mouth.

In case you are one of those fortunate enough to be employed — and therefore unable to watch either TMZ or the Obama show during the day — the gist of the speech was:

Blah, blah, blah. This here plan isn’t going to fix everything. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t expect miracles. In fact, we’re not sure if it’s going to fix a damn thing at all. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, we’re already working on a second stimulus bill because we realize this one is fucked up. Blah, blah, blah. Also, anyone who doesn’t agree with me is a weenie engaging in partisan politics.

Or something like that.

Meanwhile, the Dow Jones closed -297.81, a sign that businesses aren’t buying Obama’s blather, either.

Which just goes to show that you can put frosting on a pile of shit but it is still a pile of shit.


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