Archive for ‘My Venomous Life’

July 15th, 2011

Help Me, I’m Melting!

by Venomous Kate

Hot enough for you? Let’s get something straight up front: unless you live in one of the pink areas on this photo — as I do — I do not want to hear you whine about how hot it is. You don’t know heat. You might be sweating, your A/C might be running frequently, and maybe you have to water your plants more than once a day. But you aren’t hot. Your pits might be sweaty, your hair might have wilted, and your forehead may feel like an oil slick, but it’s just your mind playing tricks on you; if you aren’t in the pink zone, it’s NOT hot where you are.

It is, here. So hot that our A/C is constantly running, and I’m wondering what possessions we’ll have to sell to afford this month’s electric bill. So hot that I’ve learned how to drive with two fingers, having made the mistake of firmly grasping the steering wheel while pulling out of the grocery store’s parking lot, only to suffer blisters on both palms. (Try explaining that when you’re female!) So hot that, while pulling beets in my garden today, I was mildly surprised that they weren’t fully cooked. Sweaty pits, wilting hair, a slick forehead? Check, check, and check. Also, I’m chafing in the most painful of places. And have I mentioned the swarms of mosquitoes due to our local flooding?

Yeah, I’m a bit grumpy these days, and I’ve been sparing you the blunt of that wrath. I haven’t been this grumpy since, oh, August 13, 2010 when I’d hardly slept the previous night thanks to these asshats staging a prisoner uprising at Ft. Leavenworth, which prompted all of the prison sirens in our town to go off all freaking night long. (Note to Washington, D.C.: Now, imagine the carnage that would’ve occurred in the prison had the inmates been the Gitmo detainees you’ve talked about transferring here.)

Meanwhile, here’s some random synaptic firings for you:

  • I wish I had a job so I could quit it like this!
  • “Batgina mobile”? Only a guy would think this would attract girls.
  • Yeah, the ol’ “Republicans want to cut your Medicare” tactic really is getting old.
  • No more paper Treasury Bonds? Imagine all of the grandparents who must now give their grandkids birthday presents they can actually use before they turn 18!
  • Dear L.A.: Your “carmageddon” only lasts one weekend. Stay home and STFU already, you pantywaists!
  • Penis mutilation (with or without garbage disposal) isn’t as uncommon as you’d think hope, and if this heat keeps up I predict they’ll just get more common.
  • (Wholly unrelated): A study claims that men want more cuddling, while women want more sex. I asked VH about this. His response: actually, we’re just saying that because we know it’ll turn into sex.

Last, but certainly not least (in my mind at any rate): as of today, there are only 33 more days until school starts!!!!!

June 30th, 2011

Toto, I’m Getting Pretty Sick of Kansas!

by Venomous Kate

Ft. Leavenworth flooding June 2011 As happens twice a year, the latest crop of Command and General Staff College (CGSC) students are settling into their new temporary homes. On the short walk between my front door and the mailbox at the front of our subdivision I met four new neighbors, and it seems like there’s an out-of-state license plate on the cars parked in every other driveway.

Now that my husband is retired, I kind of envy those still on active duty who get to move regularly, if only because they don’t yet know what it’s like to live in a house crammed full of clutter. A house where, just as you finally get the exterior painted, it’s time to paint the interior… but first there are floors to repair and windows to replace and, oh, when did the roof start leaking??? No wonder I’m always on the lookout for good moving advice!

Of course, the way things are going around here, I imagine I’m not the only one daydreaming about packing up and heading somewhere — anywhere — away from our triple-digit heat indices with the gusty winds that only make matters worse.

Oh, and did I mention the flooding?

The levee on Ft. Leavenworth has been breached, and our riverfront parks and buildings are closed. On any given evening there are so many people going to check out the water level that it feels like a festival, with old friends greeting each other and the occasional wag dropping a fishing line into the middle of 2nd Street to see if anything bites. Not that there’s any reason to hurry down to look: the flooding’s expected to last well into August.

Frankly, I’m sick of summers like this, and we’d be moving if I thought for one minute our house would actually sell. Until then, I figure I’ll just pass along this site comparing local movers‘ rates, including customer reviews. They even offer a discount for military families.

Yep, I’m daydreaming now, too.

June 23rd, 2011

The Lazy Daze of Summer

by Venomous Kate

After what’s felt like an eternity of nightly thunderstorms, we had a respite last night. In fact, the weather was so mild we even slept with the windows open.

This is how I know that my closest neighbors are night-owls, as well as vocal when bumping uglies. Also, they have the stamina of marathon runners.

After the first half hour I discovered that I’m allergic to the material my ipod’s earbuds are made from. After the second half hour I discovered that I need replacement windows with three panes for better noise-proofing. After the third half hour I discovered that my neighbor answers neither her phone nor her door when she’s getting jiggy with it.

Now I know why her kids — including the middle schooler — routinely nap during the day. I, too, need a nap for having been kept awake FOUR HOURS past my normal bedtime. (I’d have applauded the sheer impressiveness of that performance had I not been exhausted by the time it wrapped up.)

So… naps: on top of the covers, or beneath them?

Discuss.

May 20th, 2011

Some Things Are Growing, Some Things Are Not

by Venomous Kate

Hello, my Venomites. Please accept my apologies for not updating y’all earlier about my brother’s health. I did, indeed, fly home for a visit. He looked good, and was in good spirits, although tired following his appendectomy. (Not to mention a bit frustrated with the number of drainage tubes they’d left hanging out of his gut.)

At that point, we didn’t have any news from the doctor. Still, my extended family descended on the house to express their love and concern. Considering how far back my family goes in Texas, our “extended family” is rather sizable, so it’s probably a good thing I was staying at a hotel rather than adding to my sister-in-law’s hospitality burdens. As a result, I didn’t get to see all of my cousins that visited, but I did reconnect with one whom I hadn’t seen for almost thirty years. Odd, but even after all that time, we’d have been able to pick each other out of a crowd!

One thing about my brother: he’d a stubborn sort. So, even though my mom and I kept at him to rest and stay off of his feet, he insisted on getting out and about. We had lunch together one afternoon and did a bit of shopping, and although he got tired towards the end each day I still considered it a good sign that he had so much energy. Also, being stubborn, he seemed to get a bit testy that so many of us were doting over him, or at least that’s how I decided to interpret his suggestion that I get out and enjoy myself one night while I was in Austin.

For the protection of all those concerned, let me just say we agreed that ‘what happens in Austin stays in Austin’… especially if what happens in Austin is far too many shots of Patron tequila in a what turned out to be an “alternative lifestyle” karaoke bar!

Far too soon, it was time for me to fly home. I was nervous about leaving, since we still didn’t have any news from the doctor, but simultaneously nervous about staying longer since VH and the Big-Eyed Boy were at home fending for themselves.

As it happens, I didn’t need to worry on either count. My brother had a CT scan last week and the results are finally in: although his appendix was riddled with cancer — and had ruptured — when they removed it, according to the scan the cancer hadn’t spread. He’s looking at six months of weekly chemo, following which is prognosis is excellent. Thank you, God!!!

As for VH and the BEB, they did just fine in my absence, thanks in small part to the three casseroles I’d put together before I left. They even stayed out of trouble by keeping themselves busy! VH, you see, decided to build a wood-contained garden bed on the deck so I can grow vegetables this year without worrying about that damned woodchuck! Apparently, between building it and hauling 28 cubic feet of peat moss, vermiculite and potting soil to fill them, he and the BEB were too worn out to get into mischief, or even to mess up my house!

So here’s the first shots of this year’s garden, which I planted on Mother’s Day. Every day when I go outside to water my plants, I thank God that they’re growing… and that my big brother’s cancer is not.

April 29th, 2011

Heading To Hill Country With A Heavy Heart

by Venomous Kate

Earlier this week, my beloved older brother went into the hospital with what seemed to be appendicitis. Once in surgery, they found his appendix had actually ruptured, so instead of removing the thing via laparoscopy, they had to open him up. Turns out, that was a very good thing since his appendix was riddled with cancer.

I learned this from my mom (whom, as you may recall, went through Stage IV colon cancer three years ago). Needless to say, she was rather distraught when she called last night, so I don’t have all of the details about my brother’s diagnosis. Like, whether they found cancer elsewhere, or even what kind of cancer he has.

This morning I talked to my brother who sounded good, although clearly tired and as confused as the rest of us. Doctors are, for some reason, quite prompt when delivering the initial blow of bad news but they sure dawdle when it comes to following up with additional info!

At this point it sounds like he’s going to be discharged to recuperate from the appendectomy at home. They’re putting off doing a CT or PET scan for a few days so his insides have time to heal. Until then, none of us know exactly what he’s dealing with.

No matter. I’m headed down to Texas for the next few days to see him, and to help my sister-in-law out however I can. Also, I miss my big brother, who was — until I met my husband — the man I most looked up to in this world. Unfortunately, I doubt he’ll be up to a trip to Smitty’s for my favorite Texas-style BBQ. I may just have to make a run down to Lockhart myself to fetch us some!

And, to all of my Austin-area friends, sorry I don’t have time to send you each individual emails letting y’all know I’ll be down there. I need to do a mountain of laundry and freeze a few casseroles for my husband and son to eat while I’m gone. But since I’ll have my own wheels and will be staying at a hotel in Round Rock (rather than impose on anyone), there might be time to get together while I’m down there. Drop me an email. You know the address!

March 10th, 2011

More Importantly, Eleven Years Ago Today (Photo)

by Venomous Kate

Happy 11th Birthday to my Big Eyed Boy. Of all the things in my life that I wouldn’t change, being his mom is on the top of the list.

And, yes, that’s the Venomous Hubby next to me in the picture and, no, I’m not wearing a bra.

Now, if you’ll pardon me, the baby you see in that photo earned his Yellow Belt in karate tonight. I’m going to go make suitable cooing noises and hope that he’s not too old to put up with that stuff.

March 5th, 2011

What’s Up With Your Weekend?

by Venomous Kate

I’m finding it very difficult to get motivated this weekend. The weather is much like a blond beauty queen: sunny and gorgeous, but frigid as all get out. So rather than preparing the veggie bed for spring planting I’m cooped up indoors. Sounds like a good time to tackle that guest bathroom redo, right?

That was the plan when I got up this morning, at any rate. Then I puttered around, fixed my daughter’s laptop, did some laundry and… whoa! When did it get to be 1:45 pm? Where did the day go? Now, it’s obviously too late to begin stripping the popcorn ceiling and, well, I can’t do it tomorrow because my daughter’s coming home from college to clean house. (That’s how she’s earning spending money this semester. I get a clean house, she gets pocket change. “Winning!” to quote Charlie Sheen.)

But 1:45 pm is too early to start drinking… so I’m making more cheese instead. Today’s batch: jalapeno cheddar. The best part about making cheese at home (besides eating it) is that I can look terribly busy when someone walks through the kitchen, then go back to surfing the internet as soon as they’re gone.

So what’s up with your weekend?

March 3rd, 2011

My Lovely Laundry Room

by Venomous Kate

It took quite a bit longer than anticipated, but my laundry room re-do is finally done!

As promised, here are the Before & After photos, which I trust will explain why redecorating my laundry room has taken precedence over blogging lately.

Oh, and did I mention that throughout this entire project the contents of my laundry room have been sitting in my kitchen? Let me just assure you: no one was killed in the performance of this redecorating project and that, my friends, is a miracle.

I can’t begin to tell you how much I despise popcorn ceilings. As a picky housekeeper, they disgust me. No matter how diligent I am, they collect spider webs which are a pain to get rid of. Popcorn ceilings irritate my allergies, too, since they gather dust and over time their decomposition produces dust as well.

So we’ve decided to rid our house of popcorn ceilings, starting with the laundry room. Spraying the popcorn with water and scraping it off was surprisingly simple. Washing off the remaining residue and sanding the ceiling smooth with a pole sander was another matter — we’re talking 4+ hours. But look at these photos. It was worth it! (And, hooray, only 2980 square feet more to go!)

Click any picture below to embiggen and launch the gallery viewer.

laundry-ceiling-before laundry-ceiling-after laundry-corner-before laundry-rack-after laundry-entry-before laundry-entry-after

Accent items can all be found via Amazon:

1.Laundry Drop Your Pants Here Sign
2. Mom’s Laundry Service Sign
3. “Laundry Room – Open 24 Hours” Floor Mat
4. Steel Frame 3-Bag Laundry Sorter (rollers removed)

Yes, the shelves still look more cluttered than I’d like, but everything that’s there needs to be there. So this weekend I plan to head to Tarjay to look for some pretty baskets that won’t break the bank. While I’m there I plan to check out a new light fixture for our guest bathroom, because that’s the next redecorating project I’ll be tackling.


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