Oh, sure, I could get into the habit of posting this little graphic every few days to warn people about the current PMS threat level.

(Today is Yellow, lucky you.)

Or I could just point you to PMS Buddy, a free service to help you track “that time of the month” for the women in your life.

What kind of world are we living in if things like Sega’s new LoveTrainer can actually find a market?

Part Demolition Man, part mp3 headset, part yenta, the “LoveTrainer” — from Sega Toys, no less — bills itself as a “unisex sex enhancer that combines biofeedback training with the excitement of your favorite music”.

Did I mention the “sensuous voice commands” issued to clue-in the clueless? You’ll never be at a loss for ways to keep your hands and other appendages occupied with hits like these:

• “The foreplay will now begin!”
• “Please confirm the heart rate sensor.”
• “Your stamina will now be tested.”
• “The love making will now begin.”
• “Following the beat make love much harder.”

Seriously, with a price tag of $79.95 I’m guessing you can find some crack-riddled whore to sit by your bed and offer similar suggestions at half the price. Throw in a pack of cigarettes, and I bet she’d hold your boom box for you, too.

[Via Gizmodo]

My latest column, Hooking Up is Nothing New, is up at Pajamas Media.

Striking in the nude to protest low wages for nude models? Reminds me of something about a cow and buying milk….

Look, I love a good orgasm as much as the next person, but to start a church for one? That seems a bit odd, even to me. But, hey, I’m nothing if not open-minded.

Not surprisingly, the church was founded by an artist, Carlos Bebeacua from Lövestad (no joke) in southern Sweden, a place known for being a bit more in tune with their inner sex freaks than we are here in the U.S.

“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.

“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

As such, the church has only priestesses, and its scriptures are the Catechism of Orgasm which preaches the gospel of sex.

Sound good? Then get down on your knees and… pray.

Earlier today, David Duchovny left the rehab center where he’d been receiving treatment for sexual addiction. According to his attorney, the Californication star “successfully completed his treatment”, whatever that means.

But it kind of makes you wonder: has the man even taken a good look at his wife? Hell, I’d be addicted to sex if I was sleeping with Téa Leone.

A designer vagina? Thanks, I’ll stick with my generic one. I like to think of it as “retro”.

You don’t hear a lot of men bragging about lasting “all night” anymore. Maybe that’s an unanticipated benefit of Viagra: such boasting would lead to speculation that a man had pecker problems only a pharmaceutical could cure. And, really, how many men want to admit to such a thing?

Besides, if a recent survey is to be believed, lasting all night long isn’t even necessary.

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

The researchers hope this will ease the minds of folks who, for whatever reason, are curious how their sex lives stack up against everyone else’s. So just remember, guys: the goal is to last longer than the commercial break. Do it, and she just might get your beer for you when it’s done.