We have a winner for the Hope and Changey edition of the Caption Contest.

Congratulations to Steve whose caption “God, I Wish I Knew How To Quit You” takes first place, earning him a Moleskine notebook in which to record his witty thoughts, along with all of his other ones. (Steve, be sure to email me your snail mail address so I know where to send your notebook.)

That said, there were a few other entrants who were so clever they almost made me pee. Since I only have one Moleskine to send out, y’all will have to settle for seeing your name in hyperlinks:

Second place: Linoge with “So, do you want me to reach around or not?”

Third place: Kevin with “Yes sir, economic decisions are most difficult. I suggest you try ’scissors’ this time.”

Thanks to everyone for playing!

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This time, the winner gets a Moleskine notebook paid for out of my own pocket. So you’d damn well make it GOOD, folks.

Winner announced Monday.

UPDATE: Due to my mother’s visit, which lasts until Friday, I’ll be a bit too busy for blogging. Ergo, I’m going to keep the contest open. Winner announced Sunday.

Blogging will be light tomorrow for reasons that are none of your damn business. (I mean that in the nicest way.) I just have a lot of crap going on, and I’m not yet ready to discuss it with the Interwebs, m’kay?

So, what say we play some Word Fugue, that annoyingly addictive little game begun here at EV. A game which gets under your skin and works its way down into your belly like a bad memory. A game which, let’s face it, gives you both a reason to think, and a reason to stop thinking.

Oh, don’t mind me.

If you’ve never played it before, here are the rules:

1. I start it off with a word.

2. You look at the most recently posted comment.

3. You leave ONE word that comes to mind upon reading the most recent comment.

4. You may play as many times as you like, but you may not use the same word twice.

5. Don’t leave links. They’ll only send you into comment moderation.

6. Word Fugues that wind up in comment moderation will get deleted.

7. The game continues until you bore me, at which point comments are closed.

Ready?

Here’s the word:

survival

Your turn.

The winner of last week’s Caption Contest is Lee with:

Text no evil. Blog no evil. Speak no evil.

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Winner announced Monday!

My mother, God bless her, is one of those incurable email forwarders. Heard a funny joke? Type it down and send it to her: she’ll ensure it’s circulated to 70+ of her closest friends. Saw a great video online? She’s happy to disseminate that, too.

It’s almost as if she’s blogging; she just does it via email which guarantees her readers will see it in their InBoxes so she doesn’t have to hope they’ll stop by a blog to read whatever has tickled her fancy that day.

Despite my numerous requests — and frequent replies showing where Snopes debunked the latest scary thing someone sent her — she still sends me forwarded emails to the tune of a half-dozen a day. (This is down from three dozen, so I’m pleased.)

The chain emails are the ones that truly get to me, though. You know what I mean: some poorly formatted thing bloated with cutesy pictures and usually a prayer of some sort that you’re supposed to say to insure that God will answer all of your prayers. (Note: I know these are scams because I still don’t have a flat stomach, a heated indoor swimming pool or a pool boy to tend to either.)

And, of course, there’s always the warning against breaking the chain lest hellfire and damnation rain down on you. That’s the part which gets her, I’m certain of it: at age 73, and having just dealt with colon cancer, she’s a bit preoccupied with avoiding hellfire and damnation at this point in her life.

In fact, I’m pretty certain that most of these forwarded jokes and chain emails come from old people. Sometimes I picture a vast army of senior citizens logging on faithfully to the interwebs every day and blindly clicking “forward” on these things in the hope it’ll offset their karma.

Yesterday’s email chain letter was a hoot, though. In addition to promising that God would answer my prayers instantly (like He doesn’t already, most commonly with the answer “No”?) the email claimed that it had been unbroken since Mother Theresa started it… in 1952.

Dayum. Although I didn’t realize Mother Theresa even had a computer, the fact that she had one in 1952 is proof enough of her sainthood for me.

The winner of last week’s Caption Contest — by a landslide — was Margi with:

“They’re so cute when they’re first inaugurated.”
“I know!”
“He’ll need some ‘Just For Men’ by next January.”
“It’s a bet?”
“You’re on!”

Look for another contest to begin tomorrow!

Yes, the whole Venomous Family is still enraptured with the Wii. Even though he didn’t want one, VH1 can’t resist playing Wii golf at least once a day… if he can get me to stop playing Wii Tennis, that is. I love that game, possibly because all the grunting I do while playing is the closest I’ll come to resembling Maria Sharapova.

But before the newness wears off, I decided to buy a new game to keep us enthralled: Rayman Raving Rabbids.

At some point I want to get Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party, the game you play with your butt if you have a Wii balance board. Which I don’t. (I’ve all but given up trying to find a Wii Fit around here, so now I’m working on buying one on auction.)

So, although we probably have plenty to keep us busy, you know what they say: the more, the merrier. If any of you regular Venomites are interested in registering each others’ systems so we can play, send me an email. You’ll love having my Sarah Palin and John McCain Mii’s visit you on parade.

Winners announced Monday!

So. After 3 years of begging VH1 to agree to buying a Wii, I finally defied him and bought a Wii console from eBay.

And I lurves it. Oh, you told me that I would but, then again, you tell me that my ass doesn’t look fat in these pants. So why should I have believed?

Except that I do now. Ooooh, my Venomites, I do believe.

So, because I’m too lazy to spend time writing something meaty here (though I have plenty of lovely things lying in wait for you this coming week), perhaps we should play Word Fugue™?

If you’ve never played it before, here are the rules:

1. I start it off with a word.

2. You look at the most recently posted comment.

3. You leave ONE word that comes to mind upon reading the most recent comment.

4. You may play as many times as you like, but you may not use the same word twice.

5. Don’t leave links. They’ll only send you into comment moderation.

6. Word Fugues that wind up in comment moderation will get deleted.

7. The game continues until you bore me, at which point comments are closed.

Ready?

Here’s the word:

Private

Your turn.

With VH1 out of town for the weekend and the Big-Eyed Boy happily occupied with a rented PlayStation game, I’m blissing out on the glory of Blip.fm. If you like these, might as well become a fan of my channel. And, yes, I am eclectic. What of it?

Want to listen along?

• Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
• Everybody Wants Some by Van Halen (woke up with that one in my brain);
• You Can’t Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones (best version ever)
• She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult
• Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed
• She’s Not There by The Zombies
• Romeo and Juliet by The Killers (I love this version)
• Call Me by Blondie
• Tempted by Squeeze
• The Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen
• To Love Somebody by Nina Simone
• All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix
• Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pilots
• Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale
• Everytime I Think of You by The Babys
• Solitary Man by Neil Diamond
• Troy by Sinead O’Connor
• And So It Goes by Billy Joel
• Is That All There Is? by Miss Peggy Lee
• Are You Happy Now? by Michelle Branch
• If I Laugh by Cat Stevens (*sigh*)

Since I don’t have anything important to write about right now, I figured I’d play along with this utterly unimportant meme in which Donna tagged me.

The rules are typical: link the person who tagged you, post the rules on your blog, share 6 non-important things about yourself, and annoy six other bloggers by tagging them in their own comment section. Like I said: typical.

So here are my six:

1. I despise memes and consider them a sign of someone too intellectually lazy to write good content… which is precisely why I’m playing along with this one today.

2. I ate chili for breakfast today.

3. Last night I dreamed that VH and I bought a bland, modern suburban house only to discover that behind the beige wallpaper and under the beige carpet was an entirely different house from the 1920s, complete with furniture and linens. The second house was far cooler, so we decided to keep it.

4. I am currently reading: The Collected Poems of Rainer Maria Rilke, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and a bodice-ripper romance novel.

5. These are my favorite pajamas.

6. I believe all memes should die.

Due to #6, I will not be tagging anyone else. Feel free to tag yourself, though. Just be sure to wash your hands after you’re done.

I know I said I’d name the Caption Contest winners last Monday, but there aren’t any. You all sucked.

Maybe next time?

(Via Boing Boing… and yes, it’s really him!)

Winners announced Monday.