I made peace with my Inner Bitch years ago, long before I started this here blog. Since then, there have been perhaps a handful of people about whom I care enough to spare the full force of my bitchiness. Despite appearances, VH is actually one of them. (Trust me, I have been a model of restraint compared to what goes through my head on any given day.)

The upside of accepting this aspect of my personality is that I’ve had to put up with a lot less shit in my life, mostly because hardcore idiots learn very quickly to stay away from me. The downside is that some of my friends are still occasionally idiots who turn to me for advice on extracting themselves from stupid mistakes they’ve made.

One of my very dearest friends, for instance, is nevertheless occasionally an idiot when a large quantity of alcohol and a single male are both in near proximity. Oh, the stories I could tell. Fortunately, when she sobers up she’s usually good at getting herself out of whatever bed situation she’s gotten herself into, although this often produces another dose of drama, too.

But here’s why I like her: if you can keep her away from booze and boys, she’s smart. So smart, as a matter of fact, that she said the other day: “Kate, what I really need is one of those rubber bracelets like Lance Armstrong wears. Only I want mine to say WWVKD?.” (You know, for What Would Venomous Kate Do?)

I have no purpose for telling you that other than the fact that it was a brilliant idea.

Also, since we haven’t done it in months, it’s time to play Word Fugue, that interactive and highly addictive game I came up with for those days when I simply don’t feel like blogging and would rather make YOU do all of the work.

If you’ve never played it before, here are the rules:

1. I start it off with a word. There is nothing special about this word. It simply happens to be the one I thought up when I reached the bottom of this entry.

2. You look at the most recently posted comment. (Obviously, if you’re the first one to comment you look at the freaking word I started off with.)

3. You leave ONE word that comes to mind upon reading the most recent comment. (See above. If you can’t figure that out you’re an idiot.)

4. You may play as many times as you like, but you may not use the same word twice. (Only idiots do that.)

5. Don’t leave links. They’ll only send you into comment moderation, the place that tells me you might be an idiot.

6. Word Fugues that wind up in comment moderation will get deleted because I’m too lazy to separate the idiots from the rest.

7. The game continues until you bore me, at which point comments are closed.

Ready?

Here’s the word:

patio

Winners announced Friday!

We have a winner for the Hope and Changey edition of the Caption Contest.

Congratulations to Steve whose caption “God, I Wish I Knew How To Quit You” takes first place, earning him a Moleskine notebook in which to record his witty thoughts, along with all of his other ones. (Steve, be sure to email me your snail mail address so I know where to send your notebook.)

That said, there were a few other entrants who were so clever they almost made me pee. Since I only have one Moleskine to send out, y’all will have to settle for seeing your name in hyperlinks:

Second place: Linoge with “So, do you want me to reach around or not?”

Third place: Kevin with “Yes sir, economic decisions are most difficult. I suggest you try ’scissors’ this time.”

Thanks to everyone for playing!

This time, the winner gets a Moleskine notebook paid for out of my own pocket. So you’d damn well make it GOOD, folks.

Winner announced Monday.

UPDATE: Due to my mother’s visit, which lasts until Friday, I’ll be a bit too busy for blogging. Ergo, I’m going to keep the contest open. Winner announced Sunday.

Blogging will be light tomorrow for reasons that are none of your damn business. (I mean that in the nicest way.) I just have a lot of crap going on, and I’m not yet ready to discuss it with the Interwebs, m’kay?

So, what say we play some Word Fugue, that annoyingly addictive little game begun here at EV. A game which gets under your skin and works its way down into your belly like a bad memory. A game which, let’s face it, gives you both a reason to think, and a reason to stop thinking.

Oh, don’t mind me.

If you’ve never played it before, here are the rules:

1. I start it off with a word.

2. You look at the most recently posted comment.

3. You leave ONE word that comes to mind upon reading the most recent comment.

4. You may play as many times as you like, but you may not use the same word twice.

5. Don’t leave links. They’ll only send you into comment moderation.

6. Word Fugues that wind up in comment moderation will get deleted.

7. The game continues until you bore me, at which point comments are closed.

Ready?

Here’s the word:

survival

Your turn.

The winner of last week’s Caption Contest is Lee with:

Text no evil. Blog no evil. Speak no evil.

Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out these three free game downloads from Amazon!

• Build-a-Lot – Send the housing market through the roof as you build, buy, and sell houses in the new strategy game.
• Jewel Quest II – Join Professor Pack on the ultimate jewel matching quest across the world’s richest continent.
• The Scruffs – They need your help to save their beloved family home from being sold. Grandpa Scruff has a solution – a scavenger hunt to recover his valuable artifacts.

Winner announced Monday!