So, I’m sitting here with the TV on in the background, not really paying attention to it. I can’t possibly hear what’s on since VH is power-spraying the house and the noise is enough to deafen anyone. Now and then I glance up at the closed captioning, when one little blurb catches my eye.

Dr. Phil’s on the screen. You know who I’m talking about — the guy who, despite living in California for quite some time now, has not lost a trace of his corn pone accent. (Not that I’ve got anything against Southern accents. It’s phonies I’m not fond of.) It’s an ad for his show, and he’s berating a man who believes in “toughening up” his son by being verbally abusive and tells his wife that he married her knowing that she’s “not the wife he wanted but the one he needed.”

Why, yes, I did rewind the TiVo to see if I got that part right.

This guy Dr. Phil’s talking to is an unmitigated jerk. That’s the whole point of having him on the show, right? And Dr. Phil — who’s made quite a fortune writing books about how to save a marriage — asks the wife “Why are you staying with him?” Which pretty much contradicts all of the “work on it until it works out” relationship advice doled out in his books.

I figure if Dr. Phil’s going to abandon his long-standing approach to saving a marriage, he might as well abandon some of his other principles to and kick this guy’s ass. He could take him. Sure, the guy was big but Dr. Phil is, too. Beefy, even, from all that tennis he brags about playing every day. One good left jab, a solid right hook and — blammo! — one jerk learns not to pick on other people because there’s always someone bigger who can pick on him.

Hell, I’d be willing to pay to watch that episode.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!