I hate the “ensemble” songs the contestants sing every week, but this week I’m torn between hating it and laughing my ass off — every single one of the contestants was off key. Every. Single. One.

UPDATE ONE — Bye-bye, Jared. It was iffy doing “If You Really Love Me” (not just because of the potential pun). Considering his song choice of the prior week, I had a hard time thinking of Jared in contemporary terms. Heck, I’d even suggested he sing Al Green covers because, well, that’s the vibe he throws off: a guy singing covers of the Greats. Ah, well, Jared. We’ll remember the octopus-hand move, even if we don’t remember anything you actually sang.

UPDATE TWO — Adios, Antonella. I’ve been waiting for this, and kudos to Simon. Last night I’d worried his admission that he “felt bad” for her, despite believing she’d gone as far as she could, might’ve earned the pity vote. Now I can’t help but wonder if it didn’t help some (male?) folks realize it’s one thing to feel bad for her, and an entirely different thing to cast a vote saying she was better than the other female singers. Which she wasn’t. And I’m not sorry to see her go. (Just wish I didn’t have to listen to her same sucky song AGAIN now that she’s leaving.)

UPDATE THREE — Wow. Now I didn’t see this coming — Sabrina’s gone and Haley’s safe? Wow. Just… wow.

UPDATE FOUR — Sanjaya beat Sundance? Ok, that proves it: there were too many people drinking the Kool-Aid this week.

Idol fans make me sick.

I mean that.

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