The Britney-Lindsay-Paris News Cycle Repeats Itself

by Venomous Kate

If you follow entertainment/celebrity news at all (and I admit, I’m addicted to the stuff) then the past week probably seemed like a big ol’ helping of deja vu all over again. Back in the news, seemingly back-to-back? Brit-brit, LiLo and Paris… only this none of them made headlines for leaving the house without wearing panties because that’s sooooo 2006.

No, this time we’re reading about how Lindsay Lohan is a free woman again after serving jail time followed by mandatory in-patient drug rehab for violating the terms of her 2007 DUI conviction. An incident, by the way, which also involved a charge of cocaine possession that Lindsay swore wasn’t hers. That charge was later dismissed because her “her friend’s” dealer stepped on her stuff so heavily it didn’t legally qualify as cocaine.

Of course, Paris Hilton didn’t get quite so lucky when the Vegas police nabbed her for possession this weekend. Like all things “Hilton”, her stuff was the good stuff… but, like Lindsay (and countless teenagers before her), she swears it wasn’t hers. Uh-huh.

So let us examine Exhibit One, in which we have Paris Hilton swooning over a hamburger which, were it held the normal way, would dwarf her thigh:

There's a reason she's not holding that burger horizontally.

And Britney, whose own stint in drug rehab seems to have actually worked? She’s been walking tall on the set of Glee and, if rumors are to be believed, might actually be walking down the aisle sometime next year. The only hold up? That pesky ol’ conservatorship that still lets her father call all of the shots in her life. Then again, that might be why Britney’s the only one who seems to be, well, growing up. (And, no, I’m not talking about a father like Lindsay’s who wants to open his own drug rehab then make her his first official patient.)

Seriously, folks, what is this world coming to when Britney Spears is the one who sounds sane???

End times, people. Jus’ sayin’. End times.

11 Comments to “The Britney-Lindsay-Paris News Cycle Repeats Itself”

  1. Did you miss the news that Lindsay got out of rehab early and her drivers license was restored? It just goes to show that there is equal justice for equally important people in the good old USA.

  2. Oddly enough, I had just read today about Paris’s drug incident (her third this summer, apparently) and it gave me the urge to catch up on news over at The Superficial, which I used to devour daily. After about 10 minutes I was thoroughly depressed. No, I suppose “disheartened” is the better word. Youth, beauty, riches and fame (notice the absence of the word “talent”) all being wasted on ridiculous frivolity and consumption… and the special treatment makes me ill, of course… Regular folks don’t get out of jail quick or their licenses back so promptly. And I think you’re right: Brit’s the only one sticking to the straight and narrow because of her father. And though she probably hates every minute of his enforced rule, it has been good for her.

  3. It’s always depressing to read about people having millions opportunities in their lives and wasting them all because of the drugs. But it’s always so – too much, too young.

  4. Now, as I look at the pic of Paris, it seems that her navel is a bit low for a “natural person”. Any opinions?

  5. Yeah, they probably photoshopped her torso to look a bit longer, though she’s already a sylph. Something about that right arm troubles me, too. If fully extended, wouldn’t it reach halfway to her knees?

  6. Paris also had some surprising sensible things to say during the presidential election. That was very unnerving, given the nonsense being spewed by purportedly smart & respectable folk.

  7. True, and am I the only one who’s curious how many votes her presidential campaign garnered?

  8. I see that Super-Genius Paris earlier was filmed showing off her cincy new handbag, the same bag which she later claimed was not hers when the coke bindle showed up.

    Steeeeeee-rike!

  9. Dum Da Dum Dum !

  10. Well, here we go again. Paris beat the cocaine in the purse charge and Linsey is out of jail. Just goes to show that there is equal justice for equally important and wealthy people.

  11. The sad thing is that neither of them seem capable of realizing that their “victories” in court don’t fool people into believing they’re actually innocent.