I’m watching The Morning Show on my local Fox affiliate, which is currently broadcasting a wedding. The obvious way the minister is attempting to rush the ceremony so it fits between commercials.

Unfortunately, the bride’s tongue is not cooperating: live, on national television, she stumbled over that “obey” part… as well as a couple of other places. Like, for instance, when her new groom went to kiss her for the first time and she was too busy talking to pucker up. She seemed to catch on eventually, because her lips stopped flapping long enough for them to exchange a chaste kiss. Were I him, I’d consider myself duly warned about what to expect for the rest of my life.

Meanwhile, I can’t help but wonder: who are these people, and why is their wedding on my TV? Am I going to have to watch their first fight now? The birth of their first child? Their first divorce hearing and subsequent efforts to re-enter the dating market? It’s bad enough that I have to be aware the two of them will be having married sex tonight.

All before even finishing my first cup of coffee.

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