Bless The Beasts And The Grillin’

by Venomous Kate

In the past two weeks we’ve gone only three days without rain. Naturally, they weren’t even in a row! To make matters worse, this soaking followed one of the most miserable winters I’ve ever lived through — and considering that winter is my favorite season, that’s saying a lot. I’m tired of being cooped up indoors, though. Tired of gray days. Tired of the floors, the walls and the air feeling damp unless I’m running the heater full blast. (I’m tired of running the heater, too.) Also, I’m sick of cooking dinner each night.

Back in October, when autumn’s lower temps made hot foods appealing again, I rather looked forward to spending all day with a pot of chili or soup simmering on the stove, to bread dough rising on the counter and the house full of smells no scented candle could hope to imitate. That was seven months ago, though. Seven months of soups, stews and casseroles, of trying to find yet another way to cook skinless chicken breasts, of supervising my son’s homework at the kitchen table while I chopped, diced, sliced and minced. I am tired of cooking dinner, I tell you!

So now that the weather forecast finally — finally! — calls for sunny skies, warm temps and an opportunity to dry out (the house, not me), I’m on strike. If God intended women to cook dinner every single night of the year he wouldn’t have invented the Weber grill. But, since He did, it’s time for my husband to get in touch with his inner primitive man (as if he’s ever lost touch with that, right?) and get grilling.

Yes, yes, I’ve read the stories about grilled foods and carcinogens, too. I’m shocked and saddened, I tell you. Just think of all the billions of people eating flame-cooked meat over the past 790,000 years or so, dying of BBQ-induced cancer and foolishly attributing their demise to plagues, wars and rival tribes’ fondness for bashing clubs against skulls!

Anyway, as a plump, martini-swilling middle-aged woman who’s still had no luck giving up cigarettes, who am I to turn down a perfectly medium rare steak for health reasons? Besides, didn’t Benjamin Franklin — who lived to be 84 despite eating flame-broiled meat — say that “beef is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy”? What? He said ‘beer’? Are you sure???

As luck would have it, the steak marinade I wanted to share with you — and the entire reason I wrote this post — combines both. Consider it proof that VK loves you and wants you to be happy. I know I am, now that I don’t have to cook dinner every night since it’s grilling weather at long last!

Steak Marinade


  • 4 steaks
  • 1/4 c. beer
  • 2 tbsp. teriyaki sauce
  • 2 heaping tbps. brown sugar
  • 1/2 tsp. seasoned salt
  • 1/2 tsp. black pepper
  • 1 garlic cloved, pureed/minced


  1. Put everything but the steaks in a large Ziplock bag.
  2. Drink whatever’s left in your bottle or can of beer.
  3. Mix the stuff together.
  4. Add steaks and, removing as much air as possible, seal the bag. Now, shake it up.
  5. Place steaks in fridge to marinate at least 1 hour but no more than 8 hours. Turn several times to ensure marinade soaks into both sides.
  6. When ready to grill, remove steaks from marinade and pour the juice into a pan.
  7. Bring liquid marinade to boil then remove from heat.
  8. While grilling, baste steaks with the liquid marinade at least once per side.
  9. Discard remaining marinade. Eat steak. Drink more beer… or, in my case, a martini.

3 Comments to “Bless The Beasts And The Grillin’”

  1. now that sounds good Im gonna have to try it

  2. hey Kate are you going to put your b-day wish list on here

  3. Hi Infidel! I hadn’t planned to put it up, but since you asked… 😉

    Here’s my Amazon wishlist.

    And it’s very sweet of you to have remembered my birthday’s just around the corner!