I’ve been bitching about my weight gain for several months now. (Ok, for nearly a year.) Try as I might, I just haven’t been able to convince my brain to believe the simple logic of dieting which my ass and thighs now prove:
Calories Out > Calories In = Weight Loss
Of course, I’ve spent the past two years moving no further away from the computer than the 15 steps it took to get to the fridge (9 to the bathroom). With that little movement in one’s life, you’d have to eat nothing more than one Cheerio per day to avoid gaining weight.
And it doesn’t help that I’m a foodie. I love everything about cooking, from the hours I spend reading cookbooks to the Sunday evenings I spend planning our week’s menu and compiling my shopping list. Some folks love to while away hours in hardware stores or the mall. I love shopping for groceries.
I love the sensuousness of cupping fresh produce in my hand, the bright colors of the vegetable and fruit bins, the earthy aroma of freshly baked bread wafting from the store’s bakery. I love rubbing herbs between my fingers and the way their scent lingers on my skin. I love having my choice of Mediterranean olives, Italian prosciutto and Chilean grapes on even the frostiest of Midwestern mornings. I love the sight of the butcher counter with its penis-colored steaks and flesh-toned chicken thighs spread out and waiting my selection.
So, not surprisingly, I’m doomed to fail any diet that doesn’t offer me the excitement of new recipes, the indulgence of food shopping, and the fun of cooking it all. And it better taste good, too.
With those criteria, you can see why I’ve zoomed on Xenadrine, quaffed CortiSlim, popped phentermine, and downed Dexatrim (never at the same time), but since I’m not fond of feeling as if my heart’s going to explode, I didn’t use any of them for very long. As much as I’d love to believe that losing weight can be as effortless as swallowing a pill, it always comes back to the same thing.
Calories Out > Calories In = Weight Loss
Unfortunately, what with the weather and all, increasing the calories out is virtually impossible until we move into our new house on Jan. 25 and I get my exercise bike, aerobics videos and DVD player back again. (Have I mentioned that the new place is 3 stories and 4,000+ square feet? It’ll be almost impossible not to quadruple my daily calories burned with all of that space to clean!)
All of which is to say: we’re having boneless, skinless chicken breasts for dinner tonight. Again.
There’s not much you can do with those things. I’ve tried marinating them. I’ve used a dry rub. I’ve served them on rice with a sauce of fat-free, reduced-calorie, low-sodium soup. I’ve cut them into salads, stir-fries, vegetable casseroles and stews. I’ve butterflied, broiled, barbequed and baked them. Still, they always come out tasting like rubber shoes. Worse yet, I always know I’m eating boneless, skinless chicken breasts and not steak.
Seriously, I’m beginning to realize why so many people view stomach-stapling as a weight-loss option. And those women who get fat sucked out of their butt cheeks then injected into their lips? Perfectly rational, if you ask me: every little bit helps.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not trying to solicit a bunch of chipper, helpful comments telling me to work in additional exercise by doing squats and lunges as I blowdry my hair. (I already do that, thankyouverymuch.) I’m not interested in advice on doing jumping jacks during TV commercials or squeezing my glutes while standing in line at the store. (Both of which result in a mind-boggling wedgie.) And, unless you’re willing to pay my credit card bill, don’t even suggest that I go speed-walking at the mall. I don’t have any more willpower when it comes to clothes-shopping than I do with diet and exercise, and you people who do really piss me off.
I want chicken breast recipes that taste good while being low-calorie and low-fat. And a cookie, damn it.
Is that too much to ask?
UPDATE: On the other hand, maybe it’s not my caloric ratio to blame. Maybe it’s my husband’s snoring.
UPDATE TWO: Well, thanks to Punctilious at Blog O’ Ram I found a recipe to try tonight!
Tuesday, January 11th, 2005, 12:17 pm | 
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January 11, 2005 at 12:32 pm
Take a brick of cream cheese, soften in a bowl. Add several teaspoons of cayenne pepper. Filet the chicken breasts and stuff ‘em with the spicy cream cheese. Top with Italian dressing and bake.
Mmmmmmmm
January 11, 2005 at 12:43 pm
Beats me, I like dark meat better than the breast of the chicken.
But maybe you should try some fish instead? Delicious troutles and so-on?
Variety and all that crap.
(This is where I don’t torture you with bacon fat, right?)
January 11, 2005 at 12:45 pm
As a self-professed foodie who is always at odds with my weight, I hear where you are coming from. My fiance and I actually broke down last summer and tried WW – and are for once in ours lives happy with both the food we are eating and the size of our tushes. However, I’m realizing it has little to do with their plan and more to do with portions. We eat prosciutto, olives, bacon, and cheese – just much less at a time and no dry chicken! (Sigh.) Oh, and I haven’t read it yet but am positive that this book will teach me how to eat all the chocolate that I want and stay thin. (Apologies for the looong comment!)
January 11, 2005 at 2:31 pm
I really like this recipe. I won’t say where it’s from for fear of sounding like advertising. Anyway, it’s good.
Honey Crisp Chicken (Serves 4)
12 Ounces chicken breast, boneless
2 Ounces barley nugget cereal (Grape Nuts or similar)
4 Teaspoons honey
1/4 Cup mayonnaise, low fat or nonfat
cooking spray
Directions:
Crush cereal by placing between two paper towels and using a rolling pin or bottom of frying pan. Preheat oven to 375 F. Rinse chicken and pat dry. Using a pastry brush or a spoon, spread mayonnaise over both sides of chicken. Place in a shallow baking pan sprayed lightly with cooking spray. Sprinkle crushed cereal evenly over top of chicken and drizzle with honey. Bake for 30-35 minutes, until done. Serve.
January 11, 2005 at 3:39 pm
Bon Appetit!
January 11, 2005 at 6:49 pm
Uh…I’m sorry, you kinda lost me after you were rubbing Herb between your fingers…now there are definitely somethings better than dieting…
but really, I do like my chicken breasts butterflied, soaked in soy sauce, then smoked slowly over mesquite charcoal along with a couple of ears of sweet corn…m-m-m-m definitely worth the wait…add in a bit of conversation with someone you love and you are guaranteed to not even notice the lack of calories.
January 11, 2005 at 7:46 pm
I totally hear ya on this thing. It’s hard when you really like food so much, and not the veggie crap. The only thing that keeps me from totally ballooning into twice my size is the fact that I just eat sandwiches if I’m eating at home alone, so you’re way ahead of me:)
January 11, 2005 at 8:45 pm
Nice recipe. Filed for future use.
Have you tried the WW Pizza Casserole yet?
January 12, 2005 at 6:44 am
Sounds like you’re ready for the Part Time Job at a Grocery Store diet. You get to stay on your feet for hours a day, running around, burning calories…..Man, I was in good shape back when I was on it.
Hey, I got a cousin who runs a deli in one of those weird chains you have out there in KC. Say the word, and I can introduce you to your next personal trainer.
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January 12, 2005 at 1:30 am