Top o’ the morning ta ye on this glorious St. Patrick’s Day. Sure’s and yer prolly wonnerin’ how best ta cook tha’ slab o’ corned beef ye picked up at market this week, ‘long wi’ a headda green cabbage, hopin’ to feed the wee ones while yer green beer buzz wears off. Right, an’ ta trick is ta start cookin’ now so’s ye don’ hafta sober up afore dinner. Here’s how:

Baked Corned Beef

Ingredients:

- Corned beef brisket, 4 lbs. or so
- 5 tins Guinness Stout
- 1 T. mixed pickling spices (they be the strange bumpy things in plastic that came wid yer beef)
- 1 rib of celery, sliced (ye can use ta one in yer Bloody Mary!)
- 1 onion, quartered and separated (like dey shoulda done to Cromwell)
- 1 carrot, sliced (think of ‘em as leprechaun coins)
- 1/3 cup light brown sugar, packed (like the sod o’ Erin)
- 1 T. yellow mustard
- 1/2 c. sweet pickle juice (ya best be makin’ sure it’s sweet, too)
- 1 head green cabbage
- 2 T. caraway seeds
- 1/4 t. salt
- 1 qt. water

Directions:

1. Wash the brisket in cool water and place it in a Dutch oven. (Them Dutch did at least contribute something to fine cookin’.) Cover it with cold water and throw in the contents of the pickling spice pack. Drink yer first Guinness to celebrate.

2. Add the vegetables to the pot and bring it to a boil. Drink yer second Guinness while ya wait.

3. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, while ya take a 4 1/2 hour nap.

4. Turn the pot off. Let the corned beef cool in the pot until ye can handle it wi’out burnin’ yer hands. Drink yer third Guiness while ye wait. (This’ll be chasin’ away that nasty headache yer prolly havin’ ’bout now, too.)

5. Score the fat on the brisket wid a sharp knife. Mix the brown sugar with the mustard and rub the whole mess all over ta brisket, then hold yer nose while ya pour the pickle juice into the pan. Crack open yer fourth Guiness and wash the smell o’ it all outta yer nose.

6. Bake at 300 for 1 hour. If ye can handle yer Guiness, ye might think o’ basting the brisket occasionally with the pan drippings.

7. Meanwhile, chop the cabbage coarsely, removing the core. Put it in a sauce pan with the caraway seeds, salt and water. Bring ta boil, reduce heat, and cover it. Simmer ta hell outta it while ye sip your fifth Guinness. By the time ya wake up, it’ll be ready to drain and serve alongside ta sliced corned beef.

A’course, by this time ye prolly figgered out tha’ ya took a drink then ta drink took a drink and now ta drink took ye, and now yer knackered. Tha’ bein’ ta case, yehl be wantin’ somethin’ ta put some stiff inta yer spine.

Irish Coffee

Ingredients:

- 1 T. or so o’ Irish whiskey (Bushmills, ya gobshite)
- 1 t. sugar
- Strong black coffee
- 1 or 2 T. cream

Directions:

Pour the whiskey inta a cup and add ta sugar. Drink it. Fill ta cup with coffee and drink it, too. Forget ta cream. It’s for nancies.

Too strong for ye? Fine then. G’wan wid yerself and add da coffee to da sweetened whiskey, then top wid da cream, ya nancy.

And may yer glass be ever full, da roof over yer head always strong, and may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.

Beannachtam na Femle Padraig!

Thursday, March 17th, 2005, 8:37 am   |   Food Bites  |  RSS feed Comments and pings are currently closed.