Dear Muffin-Topped Idiot in the Wal-Mart Parking Lot,
You nearly died today. That you nearly became road kill is made all the more ironic by its resemblance to your over-frosted, over-permed, over-sprayed “hairstyle.” Such is the fate of mouth-breathing idiots who shuffle along, oblivious to the world around them, yapping away on their cell phones.
Having taken a good look at you (made longer than I’d chose when you stepped in front while I pulled into a parking space), I do believe I missed an opportunity to improve the gene pool when I reflexively stepped on the brake. Next time you may not be so lucky.
Particularly if I am behind the wheel.
Very truly yours,
Venomous Kate
Sunday, July 8th, 2007, 5:32 pm | 
Idiots Bite | 
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July 8, 2007 at 6:22 pm
California law making it illegal to drive without a hands free device goes into effect in a year.
A year too late.
July 8, 2007 at 7:19 pm
She was the one talking on the cell phone, and she was walking at the time. I should’ve run her over. Since I missed my chance, it’s likely someone else will get to do the job themselves at some point.
July 8, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Hubby says you ought to have snuck up behind her and then, when you were really close, just laid on the horn. That would have taught her a lesson…. Ha! Why people in parking lots don’t think they have to watch out for cars, IN A PARKING LOT, I’ll never know.
July 8, 2007 at 8:55 pm
I love the ones who angle across at the most acute angle possible, thus taking the maximum amount of time to cross. Or the ones who simply walk down the middle of the, you know, place where cars drive, totally oblivious.
I’m with “lay on the horn” for next time.
July 8, 2007 at 9:16 pm
As a person who actually ran over my wife’s ex-husband with my car (purely accidental on my part, I assure you), I can tell you that the thud they make isn’t nearly as satisfying as one might think.
Actually it’s a rather sickening feeling to be honest.
July 8, 2007 at 9:17 pm
The ones who walk down the middle of the aisle in parking lots are the ones who really, really get on my nerves.
Of course, people also have a tendency to drive down th emiddle of the aisle as well… must be that fear of commitment thing.
July 9, 2007 at 10:58 am
Well, you did voluntarily go to a WalMart.
July 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I always feel better about mine and my wife’s extended family when I go to WalMart. They don’t seem quite so…Momma’s House after I’m done there.