What’s that, you ask? Why, it’s yet more proof that judges with BFIs* are a defense lawyer’s best friend.

Some convicted drunken drivers in the Florida Panhandle have been ordered to put bumper stickers on their cars asking, “How’s my driving? … The judge wants to know!!!”

Escambia County Judge William White said he hopes the bumper stickers, which include an identification number for each driver and a toll-free phone number, will reduce repeat offenses for driving under the influence of alcohol.

This, of course, opens the way to a whole new legal defense. It goes something like this:

Defense Lawyer: Say, Mr. Witness, you didn’t happen to stop the other driver and ask him his name, did you? So you don’t know whether the driver was my client or his brother, who testified that he had borrowed my client’s car on the night in question. Isn’t that so?

Mr. Witness: Well, no, I didn’t stop and ask. Your client kinda looks like the driver I saw, but I was driving 55 mph myself and it was dark outside.

Defense Lawyer: Your honor, we contend that the state cannot meet its burden to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that my client was driving the car on the night in question, and therefore he should be acquitted of all charges.

Silly judges. Making laws are for legislators.

*BFI: A registered acronym in the Venomous Lexicon which means “Bright Fucking Idea.” The inspiration for this phrase is a certain Army Colonel now stationed in Texas who regularly has BFIs at 3 fucking a.m. which lead him to send off rambling emails which accomplish little more than making work for those who not at liberty to point out what an idiot he is.