I’m On Her Radar
My mother-in-law, who is here for another three days, is a die-hard teetotaler. She is so against drinking that if anyone does have a cocktail or two around her she begins fidgeting and pressing her lips together until they look like they might very well go gangrenous.
In her defense, she was raised by an abusive alcoholic. For that reason I do try to abstain when she’s here.
But did I mention she’s my mother-in-law? By definition, she stresses me out. By habit, she sets my teeth on edge. By nature, she prompts me to look fondly at my bottle of vodka at, oh, seven o’clock in the morning.
So, I’m sitting here debating whether to have a martini or two (okay, three, tops) and thus prompt her into being a pain in the neck, or do I realize that she’s going to be a pain in the neck regardless of whether I’m sober and, therefore, I might as well have a martini.
Or, in her honor, a Batini which, ironically enough, is called the “official drink of Austin”, the city from which she hails.
Decisions, decisions.
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Moments such as your current quandary are what led to my mother always keeping a bottle of vodka in the linen closet along with a pack of Tic-Tacs.
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Hmmm. I’ve got vodka. I’ve got Tic-Tacs. I don’t have a linen closet, though. But I do have a big bathtub and a door that locks.
Suddenly, I feel the urge to bathe.
That’s why I “hide” my alcoholic beverages when I’m around my parents (also teetotalers although not as stringest as your MIL). I mix Malibu Rum with chocolate milk. Yes, I know it SOUNDS nasty, but it’s really just chocolate coconut milk when you think about it. It’s AWESOME. And my parents are none the wiser.
Yes, I’m a 38 year old adult.
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oh good grief. Your MIL needs to get a grip. I was married to an abusing alcoholic for 12 years but that did not turn me into a teetotaler. I have 3 sons-in-law and will this year probably get my first daughter-in-law… she was the one who got the “ho ho ho” Christmas wine glass tag.
For my sons-in-law, I kept beer iced down in a cooler the entire time they were here. The only problem was deciding whose time zone 12 o’clock would be in. I told the poor guys it was noon somewhere, go ahead get a beer.
It’s YOUR house. Drink if you wanna. She’ll deal with it.
oh jeez, I realize I come off sounding sort of a jerk here… but I wouldn’t drink in her house. Ya know?
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Neither would I.
I drink on her deck instead.
(But only when my sister-in-law brings the wine.)
She sounds like my mom and dad, without the alcoholic background. So while none of them are around, I’ll raise my glass of white wine and have a drink for you tonight. If that doesn’t do it, I’ll break out the tequila.
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Have one or two…I find myself in similar situations and if I feel like having one I do; everybody else can either deal with or not deal with it as long as they leave me alone about it.
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You could always take the aggressive tack and create a drink named after her. See if she goes for it, and if not, tell her, “Yeah, I couldn’t stand you either,” and pour it out.
/sarcasm
Personally, I figure it being my house, my food that guests are eating, my electricity lighting the place, then I get to make the rules. Old fashioned, I know, but if you offend her enough and consistently, then maybe she won’t come back.
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Pff. Get a hip flask sized bottle of Mr. Boston. Empty it (someplace safe, that crap’s nasty) and fill it with water.
Emerge from the bedroom one morning and dig someplace unlikely for it (behind the microwave) and take a few big deep gulps out of it pretending you’re not awake enough yet to realize she’s watching.
For goodness sake…do you have a bottle of water? Empty bottle, insert favorite beverage (when MIL is sleeping or such), and look like you are healthily getting your intake of said water during the day.
After my daughter turned 21, we started the annual Christmas survival drinks. One of us sneaks in a bottle (or flask) and we delute colas on the sly. We have designated Hubbies to drive us home. When everyone else is griping, etc. you’ll find us giggling in some corner.
Sneaky is the word…
Sue, I think Lindsay Lohan must’ve been at one of your Christmas gatherings.
I figured out the very best way to mess with her: pour one martini, drink half of it (just enough to start unwinding) and let the rest of it sit untouched on my coffee table throughout the evening.
I swear she didn’t take her eyes off of it, except when she glanced at me to wonder why I wasn’t slamming it back.
I’ve got 20+ years of MIL “familiarity”. Here’s the deal… She’s got her ways and you’ve got yours. You folks can spend all of eternity making a pretense of your behavior and you’ll always be tied up in knots. Or you can just be you, have your libation of choice and still know that you’re grating on each other.
Easy advice from somebody who’s MIL now buys him Scotch for birthday and Christmas presents, though…
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