My dad used to have a great comeback for people asking to smoke in his office or truck. “Depends. Do you mind if I stand on my desk and urinate on you?”

wgs last blog post..And the vote is in!

I did see the smiley face, though. It gets my dander up when somebody think that their rights are more important than mine.

Jeffs last blog post..Phở for Whitey

Lighten up, before I decide to come over and take Nita’s dog’s poo, light it on fire, and throw it at both of you.

wgs last blog post..And the vote is in!

“If I see you smoking, I will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

That is assault. Period. Your perfume or grilling is offensive to me in the same way that my tobacco smoke is offensive to you. Your rights are not better or more important than mine. Your annoying spew into the atmosphere is not less impactful than mine.

You are cordially invited to kiss my narrow, bony ass. I’ll give you a couple of days to sell tickets and draw a crowd.

Jeffs last blog post..Phở for Whitey

I was talking about common things that people find offensive that other people don’t think about. Your cigarette smoke is a carcinogen. My dog’s poo is a nuisance and may harbor some parasite or disease. Who knows?

There’s a big difference between cigarette smoke and grilling. Neighbor’s kids bugging you? Talk to the parents. For us, it’s the neighbor’s dogs barking all night. We talk to them and try to come up with something that will make both parties happy.

Shooting the lawn mower or putting a potato in a tailpipe are much different than not picking up a pile of dog poo. Like I said, I was talking about those common decencies. I don’t mow my lawn at 5 am. I do it at a time that most common people will be up and not disturbed by the noise. I also don’t warm up my car on the cold mornings – not good for the environment. I use common sense – I’m not the most important person in the world, and I try to think how my actions will affect those around me.

Cigarette done in 7 minutes? If it were just one, fine. But it’s never just one a day is it? And it’s person after person after person. Standing outside doors of most businesses, blowing their smoke on me. Smokers don’t realize how much that crap stinks and sticks to everything it touches. Nasty stuff.

Jeffs last blog post..Supporting Gun Control

Puns aside, that does provide for a good analogy: if I’m in my yard and someone else’s kids are so loud that I can hear them, do I have the right to hose said children down? Would their parent mind if I stood screaming at them because their noise drifted over to my property?

And what about the times the neighbor’s lawn mower interrupts my ability to sit on my deck and read in peace and quiet? Do I have the right to shoot the thing?

Then there are the times, particularly in the winter, when a person decides to warm their car up in the driveway before going to work. I don’t have to get up quite so early, so inevitably the noise disturbs my sleep. (And if I were sleeping with the windows open the exhaust would overwhelm my Cote Bastide Ambre room fragrance.) So, can I stick a potato in the exhaust pipe and call it protection of MY property?

Of course not.

It’s a freaking cigarette. It’s done in 7 minutes. Get the fuck over it.

But what you describe is clearly assault. If directed at me, it would be met by an appropriate and legal response. VK is penning this post from Texas and I happen to live in that state. You might do well to actually learn what an appropriate and legal response is to assault. It mirrors the statutes in most of the other states.

I’d invite you over for a block party, but I fear that the smell of brats on the grill along with the cigar smoke might offend your delicate sensibilities.

Jeffs last blog post..Supporting Gun Control

“If I see you smoking, I will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

You keep your smoke out of my yard, and I’ll keep my dog’s crap out of your yard.