If you have the time to commit to your son, follow your gut. My wife and I are in full time ministry based in the home and homeschooled our first born daughter. She was very much like your son as a self-starter and curiosity about the world around her. After the first couple of years we pretty much put the curriculum in front of her and left her to get mostly A’s.

She is nt 17 and started going to a Christian school in her sophomore year. She was ready to join her peers and is loving it. She’s still getting great grades. We have no regrets and I think you and your Vikings-loving husband won’t either.

PS: And this is the perfect year. If you find you are unable to give your son what he needs, you have only lost the kindergarden year. Sounds like he’s already a second grader intellectually anyway. May God bless you in your decision.

TO: Kate
RE: All the Indicators

“Notes from shcool, report cards and parent-teacher conferences make it abundantly clear that my son’s teacher believes he has problems following directions.” — Kate

Get ready for ritalin.

I’m of the opinion that all too many young boys are put on ritalin because all too many teachers are ill prepared to teach young boys. Drugging them solves THEIR problem.

“I have made it abundantly clear that my son is bored out of his mind with these assignments.” — Kate

This is another indicator of teachers being ill prepared to teach young boys. They can’t keep their attention, because what the vaunted American public education system offers is ‘booooooriiiiing’. Which is what you’ll get from politically-correct, sanitized education.

I’d recommend finding a private or christian school or take up home-schooling.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. The same goes for Stephen Green….

Chuck, I’ve been preaching for a while about how our current educational system seeks to turn little boys into little girls. My oldest is a girl, so I didn’t notice this until my son entered the school system.

I was always quite proud of her for coming home with prettily colored pictures, her clothes still nice and neat, and report cards filled with glowing remarks about her being an “asset” in class. At the same time I was surprised at how little interest she showed in actual performance — she hated homework, she resisted anything mentally challenging, and she viewed school as a chance to hang out with her friends (mollifying the teacher being the pre-requisite). Luckily, she’s turned that around and has become quite a go-getter, but she’ll be the first to admit that the big change came when she had to start competing with a sibling for attention and positive feedback.

Meanwhile, my boy views coloring as a way to kill time. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the primary classroom activities. He’s a kinesthetic learner — needs to be up and doing hands-on things — and these days teachers have too many kids on their hands to encourage this.

So, yes, his teacher has already hinted that he should be tested for ADHD. She went so far as to have him evaluated by a school counselor (we weren’t informed of the results but I suspect that since nothing’s changed the counselor simply informed her, “He’s a boy. He’s a perfectly normal boy.” Which is precisely what his pediatrician says.

Honestly, I really am leaning toward home-schooling. It’s just a very, very big commitment and one that I want to make sure I’m prepared to fulfill.

We were scared poopless when we actually took on the committment to homeschool. Our basic reasons were similar to yours – the boys did fantastic in a small preschool where they received large amounts of individual attention and constant stimuli. That was not going to happen in big boy school.

In fact, the preschool held a kindergarten panel where administrators and teachers of the nearby schools came to talk about their schools and what the first year of school would be like for the students.

The highlights:

1) Kids would be tested for placement. They would be organized into class groups where the brighter ones were with the slower ones. This would let the smart kids help their contemporaries while simultaneously slowing down the development of the bright children.

2) Lunches were staggered from 1pm to 2pm. They fed the kids later in the day because kids get sleepy after they eat and drowsy kids are disruptive to learning.

3) Recess would happen when the curriculum allowed, or when the teacher needed a break.

We decided to homeschool on the way home from that meeting. Like I said, it was scary to take that leap. It has been incredibly rewarding. Bear is six years old, reads at a 3rd grade level and does 3 digit multiplication and two digit division in his head (no tables, just method).

He has a say in his own education and he loves it. He has to do the basics but after that he can research Chupacabras or George Washington. He has a genuine love of learning that I do not see in kids going to parochial school.

As far as the doctor’s appointments and such, when things like that come up I’ll take a day off or work from home. Our physician’s group (remember the old days when you had a doctor?) started regular hours on Saturdays. On the way home I’ll pick up the odds and ends, groceries, prescriptions, whatever. It’s a team effort regardless of who is the primary instructor.

Is there a gifted program you can look into? Or perhaps work with the school to get him in a higher grade just for reading and writing?

My parents fought to get that for me, and I’m convinced it was one of the best moves they ever made. In Kindergarten I was in a 1/2 combo for reading, and in 1st grade, a 3rd grade class. By 2nd grade, I was in a gifted magnet school with plenty of challenges….

How much work will homeschooling be?

Depends on the child.

We homeschooled three.

The oldest was a self-starter that went charging off on his own. When he graduated he got a four-year all-expenses paid academic scholarship to the hardest public engineering college in Texas (and it isn’t TAMU).

The middle son, had to get started, but once he got going, could be left alone to do the work. He is now in college in Phi Beta Kappa.

The youngest? He would rather be playing computer games. You have to stand over him with a stick. And not turn your back on him. He takes three times the effort of the other two put together. (He’s currently in high school).

So what type of kid is yours? If he is a self-starter, get something like Calvert for the first few years, point him in the right direction, and he will go off on his own. You can take a bubble bath, while he learns (well, just about). If he is a reluctant dragon you are going to spend all your time watching him.

You could do as Caltechgirl mentioned and look into gifted schools in the area. Or you could try homeschooling for a year and see how it goes while looking about for another alternative.

I wasn’t able to homeschool my son – his learning style is too far different than mine – but I did have to pull him through school – kicking an screaming all the way. We lucked out in High School by finding an excellent tutor. I know she is the only reason he graduated. He NEVER had any teachers who were interested in helping him learn… EVER.

Homeschooling is not for everyone – no matter what some people say. If it’s going to drive you straight up the wall (which is the problem I would have with it) then you should look for alternatives – for your sake and your son’s.

BTW – do some googling and look for homeschooling groups in your area. Get in touch and talk with them. There may be parents who “share the load”. Like exchange babysitting – giving you some time off during the week.

Good Luck!

TO: Kate
RE: Flee At Once!

“So, yes, his teacher has already hinted that he should be tested for ADHD. She went so far as to have him evaluated by a school counselor…” — Kate

Once they get him in the ’system’, you are no longer in control.

I’m not sure WHAT Colorado does with this, but I understand other states will go after the parents with hammers and tongs if they even think about taking their child out of the public school system and/or off the drugs, once they’ve been perscribed.

Regards,

Chuck(le)

TO: Kate
RE: An Asside

“What has me sitting on the fence isn’t whether homeschooling would be best for him — it’s whether it would work for me.” — Kate

Sounds like issues with priorities.

I’ve seen those sorts of problems in the past. Indeed, I saw a brigade commander relieved-for-cause because he had his priorities bass-ackward.

I see such issues all the time, one way or another. And, as always, I’ve noticed that if you have your priorities in their proper order, everything seems to fall into its proper place. Almost ‘magically’.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. - Haiku Error Msg]

You should mosey on over to The Denim Jumper to meet up with homeschoolers who also appreciate the sanctity of happy hour. Support can be found and questions answered.

Read John Holt (Teach Your Own) and John Gatto. They’ll make your mind up for you.

My six-year old has read the most of the Narnia series, the first three Harry Potters, and Little House. She even does math. I can’t imagine what kind of shape she’d be in if she were being forced to trace letters. My wife and I comment at least once a day how much happier she is for not going through the stress of kindergarten (plus, it’s nice to still be making coffee and watch the school bus go by and realize how much harder it’d be to wake up at 6:00).

And it’s not been that much work. A lot of quiet time is created while reading novels (now the four- and one-year old brothers are a little more hands on).

I was home-schooled for four years (5th grade through 8th grade), and I’ve got to say: if there’s any way that you can do it, you should. You know your kid better and love him more than any teacher ever will.

As far as your time goes, one great advantage of home schooling is its flexibility: If you feel sick, give him some assignment that will keep him busy for a couple of hours. You can arrange your own “teacher in-service” days for appointments. If your family wants to take a vacation, you don’t have to wait until the official spring/winter break. Just go when you want to go.

The other thing to remember is that you aren’t making the commitment for your son’s entire education, just for this next year. You can try it for a year; if it doesn’t work out, then at least you’ll know better for later years.

Home schooling takes effort, but it’s well worth it.

The Denim Jumper address (oops):

http://www.thedenimjumper.com/community/

Pls, I’ve got the Denim Jumper open in another window. I have a feeling you just changed my life. Thank you!

Kate

I have no degree, but I homeschooled my daughter for three years (K-2). In fact, we were among those who petitioned the Minnesota legislature to “decriminalize” homeschooling in that state. We both would have like to continue, but unfortunately the demise of my marriage and my subsequent return to the workforce changed that plan. My daughter just graduated with her Master’s degree from Baylor University with excellent success, and I and she contribute her success in public school and college to her good start.

I understand your concern about having time for yourself. We were part of a home-school group. Once a month we got together to do a “field trip” and we helped each other when we hit the wall with a particular subject. In addition, we were available to each other when we needed some personal time for appointments, or just some time away.

Another thing that you should consider is that home-schooling doesn’t take as many hours as it does in school. You are not responsible for keeping 30 kids in order, moving them from classroom, to lunch room, to libarary, etc. We found that it took about 4 hours each day.

When we weren’t “schooling” we were cooking, planting flowers, exploring questions the kids had, going to the library, YMCA programs, swimming lessons, piano lessons, etc. There is a lot of math and reading involved in cooking and the end result is something they can feel very good about when they share it with the rest of the family. There were so many ways to incorporate the lesson plans into our daily routine, I can’t begin to ennumerate all of them.

My son, who was in public school from Kingergarten on, did have ADHD, and while the school did as much for him as was possible, I found myself back in my home-schooling role every evening, helping him to concentrate on his homework, learn his multiplication tables, etc. I knew his learning style so much better than his teachers that I was his main source of encouragement and teaching, even though he spent much of his day in a classroom.

Recognize that your son has achieved his success to date because YOU have taught him thus far. It is challenging, no doubt. But it is also the most rewarding experience I have had in my entire life. My only regret is that I couldn’t do it longer.

Deb

P.S. Both of my children are planning to home school their children as a result of their experiences. I think that says an awful lot about how the experience impacted them.

I’ll be watching to see how it goes for you, hon. One thing I know for sure — you love your Big-Eyed Boy and care for him more than any teacher ever could.

Kate, talk to Kim and Connie du Toit. They’ve been preaching and practicing home schooling for years and even tried to make a go of it from a business perspective. I’m sure they could give you some sound advice.

Yea, I was pretty happy when I stumbled across the Denim Jumper one night. I don’t participate that much, but it’s nice to find folks on the same wavelength, who aren’t too doctrinare about homeschooling and have fun with it.

Also, there are quite a few yahoo groups related to homeschooling. My little state of Vermont has two lists of its own. A good source for info about homeschool groups, resources, and state laws. I’ve found it very helpful. Would be surprised if there’s not one dedicated to your area.

I can’t see why homeschoolers couldn’t group together and one parent teaches science and another parent teaches baking to a mangeable number of children within their own homeschooling group. There’s a lot more involved of course.

*Wow* You are confronting one of the most difficult decisions that any parent can come to grips with: What’s the best way to educate my own child?

At our site, we strongly support the right of folks to homeschool their children. Over time, we’ve developed close ties with a number of homeschooling families; the one thing that they have in common is that all are satisfied with their decision to homeschool.

It might be helpful to remember that you can, if you wish, try homeschooling on a “month-to-month” basis. Should you see that it’s not working out, as a parent you have the right to enroll your child in public school at any time.

No matter what you decide, I think that it’ll be right for you and your son.

Kate – nothing new to add except to say you may only want to homeschool until he can get into a school/curriculum matched to his capabilities. It need not be a 13 year task. My wife and I wonder if we should homeschool early and go to high school for the sports and activities or the other way around. There seem to be an infinite vaariety of mixing home school, home school gorups, partial public school, and even college work for older kids.

I scratch my head at my 9 year old who treats school like a daily root canal who taught my 6 year old to read in preschool who know crushes the entire kindergarten. They are both girls who primarily see school as an avenue to socialize and dress in a different pink outfit everyday. sigh…. I wanted big, dumb jocks.

I have to say that I am surprise — and wholly, unspeakably grateful — that the comments above have been as overwhelmingly supportive as they’ve been. As longtime EV readers know, I stopped sharing much about my children – and my relationship to them – about 2 years ago.

I was nothing short of terrified of posting this, and yet I felt that by not doing so I would’ve been depriving myself of the single greatest support system — and resource — in my life.

Incidentally, it’s 3:29 a.m. as I post this… which means, yes I am losing sleep over this. Yesterday morning was yet another tearful morning for my son, and when I picked him up from school the first thing out of his mouth was, “I think I need to stay home tomorrow.” I’m anticipating tears 4 hours from now when it’s time to get ready and leave, and after so many mornings I’m not sure he’ll be the only one trying hard not to weep. Today is my son’s 100th day in public school. That sure seems like quite a few mornings to be sending my little one somewhere he doesn’t want to be, and far too many mornings that I’ve been up at this hour wondering if I’m doing the right thing.

And, to the two or three of you whom I personally emailed in response to your comments, please forgive me if I overstepped my bounds by seeking further input from you. I’m just a mom trying to give her little boy everything he needs to someday become the best man he can be.

Two Educational Pieces…

……

For you, this will be a piece of cake. Don’t even THINK of a “fallback” position (ie. enrolling him in public school after year x), because the stats from doing that are not good. (Homeschooled kids report being unspeakably bored in classroom, and their zest for learning disappears.)

In my email to you, I thought you still lived in Hawaii. Where are you now?

Fascinating post and comments.

Your boy sounds a lot like my middle son. I may be just a little bit luckier in that his school isn’t suggesting ADHD testing – yet. But he’s in 1st grade now, and the problems with attention span are getting more noticeable. My oldest son is now 17 and, to put it mildly, the school system has not been his ally (Catholic schools thru 8th grade, now public high school in a very good school district). The teachers my 1st grader has had so far have been very good, but that seems to be the problem – it’s luck of the draw.

One thing I can’t figure out is this. Boys have always been active; why didn’t these problems seem to exist as much when “we” were kids (50s, 60s, 70s)? Were boys calmer then? Were teachers better prepared to deal with boys than they are now? If so, how did that happen? Have they been corrupted by a “feminized” education system, ie, boys are “toxic”? Is the ADHD fad alone responsible for the ways that schools fail the boys today? Or are we as parents failing our sons in some key way, too? Not tough enough, etc.

Mainly, how much of this can we blame on the teachers’ unions? Only half kidding

I’m just not sure I understand how we got to a place where so many of our sons are put through this daily trauma with something as important as their education. What went wrong? And how to fix it?

Anyway. Best of luck to you and your family, whichever path you take. I can feel your pain, to some degree.

Jeff, I wonder if “feminizing” the educational system is the natural result of having an overwhelmingly female teaching force.

Most of today’s teachers grew up being told that men and women are intrinsically identical but for the genital areas, which made it easy to believe that boys should be capable of behaving, thinking and learning exactly the same way as girls do.

Nowdays, however, we’ve got a strange dichotomy occurring. We’ve got a pro-girl movement not only occuring but being condoned as a way to enhance girls’ self-esteems. You’ve no doubt seen the t-shirts “Girls rule, boys drool” and “Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.” (Meanwhile, can you imagine what would happen to a boy who suggested throwing rocks at a girl???)

At the same time, the scientific and behavioral health communities are just now starting to acknowledge that boys brains, emotions and cognitive processes are inherently different from girls, and that we are harming them if we don’t acknowledge this.

Educators haven’t grasped this yet – and they may never do so. It’s far easier and more efficient from their standpoint to focus on taming boys’ behavior, quieting them in class, getting them to sit down at their desks and work independently rather than seek hands-on learning, and insist their parents put them on Ritalin if they don’t.

How to fix it? Well, as much as I hate sounding like Hilary Clinton, I am all in favor of single-sex schools. Short of that, the fastest solution is to encourage more men to become teachers. Until then, the school system in our country will continue to be operated primarily by women, seeking input primarily from women, while males in the educational system are mostly on janitorial duty.

The only thing is that the teaching force in this country – most especially for young kids – has always been women. So, I would have to say it is a cultural difference that has changed things over the years.

They don’t want kids to have recess… and if they do – heaven forbid the kids actually run and play! If boys don’t act like girls – teachers KNOW there is something wrong with them. It’s weird. They didn’t have these problems to this extent up until the late 70’s onward. So it must be that something has changed drastically in that time.

The only major change has been “feminizing” the curriculum and denigrating boys. I have a sneaking suspicion that this might just have something to do with our current problems.

“Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.”

Yesterday I arrived home and my oldest had a massive horn on his forehead. He got it while playing a new game they made up called “Hit each other with sticks”. Not “Sword fighting with sticks” and not even “Stick fighting”. No, the entire object of the game was to “Hit each other with sticks”.

Perhaps that t-shirt is more accurate than not.

Yep, I had to take that t-shirt away from my 14 y/o after she’d bought it on a shopping trip with a friend. Ticked her off, but she should’ve known better.

And would you believe that just yesterday two boys at my son’s school got in trouble for playing tag? Evidently, one of the tripped and needed to go to the doctor for a skinned knee. The other had 5 minutes of his recess taken away.

Why? Because, “Roughhousing is not acceptable behavior!” WTF?!

Did you read the thread at Denim Jumper about curtailed recess horror stories? I didn’t realize it, but I guess in a lot of schools 20 minutes is the normal recess alotment and taking recess away is the punishment of choice. And silent lunches are common too.

Wow, really amazing that kids (not just the boys, but yea, especially the boys) are bouncing off the walls and getting labelled ADD. I really was stunned. I was in elem school in 60s/70s and we must have had over an hour – at least – of recess time spread through the day. I remember elaborate snow ball fights, pick up football games (no adults in charge), and general mayhem. I don’t see how anyone in their right mind expects seven-year olds to basically sit still all day.

I don’t know if I buy the feminizing bit. I think the curtailed recess has more to do with TV/divorce discipline issues and needing to get enough kids to pass the tests so that funding cuts don’t happen. So pounding the kids for the test is the number one priority.

Also, another issue since the late 70s is high-fructose corn syrup sweetening food instead of refined sugar. Neither are that good for you, but some recent studies question the ability of the body to deal with corn syrup, which is significantly different chemically from refined sugar.

Finally, after five years of teaching at a private school, my wife now endorses both single-sex classrooms and school uniforms. Most of her discipline issues were hormone and social-class related. Kids know how to use poverty – especially clothes – against other kids.

OK, I did some Googling and found this article, “Ritalin: Better Living Through Chemistry” which looks to be a few years old but seems relevant anyway.

The author says that a government study from 1983 called “A Nation at Risk” created a political crisis, by tying together the laggard economy of those years to poor schools. This created a flurry of Federal fixing: national testing with Federal and state dollars tied to performance in reading, writing, and math. Hence, added pressure on schools to spend more time on those subjects and less on art, music, gym, and of course, recess. Plus, the curriculum was speeded up, so what used to be done in first grade was now done in kindergarten. Add to that the fact that young boys are 1-2 years behind girls physiologically in brain development. Presto, a prescription for rampant misdiagnoses of boys as behavioral problems, ADHD, and Ritalin.

Makes sense to me. And it fits my timeline, where these problems didn’t begin to surface until the 80s. Food for thought, anyway.

With three boys, experience with public and private schools, I can only recommend loving your children.

School is rigged for girls. I look at the photos of the scholars of the year posted on the wall of my boy’s middle school only to see year after year 20 smiling faces of young ladies and two grumpy boy faces.

No matter what you choose, there are shortfalls in every curriculum, there is additional work to be assigned at home, there is much of life that cannot be learned in school. The only thing that seems to matter is the love that frames and fills in the empty spaces in the time we share.

Best wishes to you and yours.

do it kate. you’ll prepare and wonder for ever. you have to just jump in. then you’ll see what the real problems and challenges are. and you’ll solve them.

do it. your boy will be better off for it.

Home School the Boy

I teach technical subjects to Adults in the Commercial world not, the Academic. Still in this environment I find the occasional student who needs a smack in the face with a challenge, not babying. The current Academic world is not prepared to deal with prodigys. If you have the smarts and the finacial situation KEEP HIM AT HOME.

An Old Grump!!!

I said I teach Technical not, that I could spell!!!

Mental Respect…

I meant to link this post as soon as I first saw it. This is what we are worried about with Sadie, and I expect no less of her siblings. This is the problem we both had in school, especially Deb. At the same time we dread trying to send her to school t…

When Public Schools Fail The Kids…

Venomous Kate drives yet another nail into the idea that public education as it stands now doesn’t really help the smart kids. I realize that……

Tina and I are in a slightly different position- considering taking our 8th grade son out of school and finishing his education at home. Drew is very bright and mostly language-oriented. He began having math issues two years ago and has spiralled downwards ever since, to the point he is now failing most of his classes.

We put him into the Sylvan program for math and within a week they called us in and were pretty blunt: get this kid the hell out of the public school. Since then other developments have come forth with people from diverse positions basically echoing the same thing- he’s not a math wiz, but he’s brilliant,he’s suffering from deep clinical depression, and the public school system is not up to the task of teaching him.

I’m currently trying to get my schedule re-worked so I can be home more during the week and Tina is digging into the research on homeschooling. It’s a daunting proposition, but it’s what parents need to do in a situation like this. Inaction is not an option.

Good for you, John, and good for your son!

I was home schooled, and frankly, it was pretty much the best thing my parents ever did for me. Just be careful though because it can and will mess with your social skills if you’re not careful. If you do it, make sure you give your son plenty of opportunity for social interaction. I don’t think I can emphasize that enough, because the one downside to homeschooling was that when I finally did go into a public high school, I had a lot of, um, interesting social quirks that I had to work out, and I think that could have been avoided to some extent.

Excellent point, Bob. This is something I was just discussing over at Jay’s, too, although since I haven’t been through homeschooling my views are academic and not nearly as legitimate as yours.

Is my distinction between socialization and “play time” illusory?