As I discovered about 30 minutes ago (thirty minutes which, I might add, I’ve spent letting my heart-rate return to normal) it goes like this:
- Assume the Downward-Facing Dog position.
- Add one big, freaking HUGE wolf spider falling from the ceiling down the back of your yoga pants.
- Scream, shimmy, shake, and scoot your ass across the floor trying to kill it.
- Barely manage to kill that sucker before he bites you by bouncing your ass against the wall a half-dozen times. (Meanwhile, marvel to yourself that you didn’t put a hole in the drywall.)
- Run to the front door to assure your neighbors that, yes, you’re perfectly fine… aside from the big, freaking HUGE wolf spider working its way down the back of your yoga pants.
- Smile politely, quietly shut front door, then run like hell to the shower and scrub the remnants of that big-freaking, HUGE wolf spider off of your now-sweaty ass.
- Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary until you stop feeling creepy, crawly feet on your buttocks.
It works. Promise.
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010, 6:14 am | 
My Venomous Life | 
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September 14, 2010 at 9:28 am
Ahhhhhh, of course every one knows Lycosids have four pairs of eyes. All that planning on its part and no ass bite to brag about.
,
September 14, 2010 at 10:42 am
::: trying hard to not laugh till I cry :::
Excellent post
September 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Oh, sure, it’s funny to you. I swear I can still feel that dang thing crawling on me!
September 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm
I am so grateful he didn’t bite. A friend was bit on her bum years ago, and I still remember how she could barely sit for a week!
September 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Oh VK… I am only laughing out of empathy! I am a 42 year old man in my mid-life evaluation period and still have the capability of screaming like a four year old little girl at the sight of a spider.
But I tell you what … when I do kill ‘em … I kill them and then kill them again and then really really kill ‘em.
And in Florida… we get plenty of opportunities to commit spidercide. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvYkVwwHQ_M
September 18, 2010 at 10:17 am
T.T.I.U.W.O.P.
LOL. Glad everything worked out OK in the end.
September 20, 2010 at 8:38 am
Sorry, Kevin, I don’t ordinarily ask angry women “Can you hold on a sec so I can get a picture of that vein throbbing on your forehead because my blog readers just won’t believe this if I don’t post your photo?” It has a habit of pissing them off even more.
September 21, 2010 at 1:10 pm
VK, I believe you about the angry elephant. My comment was WRT your yoga to cardio post.
p.s. I really don’t expect pictures for that post either, but sometimes one just has to take a swing when the ball is sitting up so high on the tee.
September 21, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Ah. My oops.