Think of it this way – if the other members of the household are leaving it up to you to run the household, then you’re the one that makes the rules. If they want to make the rules, then they need to do the work, it’s as simple as that. Maybe it’s too much of a “my way or the highway” approach, but IMO sometimes that’s the way it has to be.

I think of it this way: the kids are actually Red’s kids, they aren’t my biological kids (although I’d be happy to claim any or all of them). The house is mine, therefore there are some rules that are simply going to be done My Way. On most of those things, I am willing to negotiate; during summer time, if things are done within “good enough for now” standards most of the time, I’m willing to allow friends over, staying-up-late-watching-movies, popcorn in the living room, and other small indulgences. On the other hand, if things aren’t consistently getting done – dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc, then I withdraw support for those minor fun things around the house. If it goes long enough, I start saying no to going and doing the things that will take up my time away from getting those necessary things done. In other words, you make me do it rather than do it yourself, and I’m not willing to take you to the movies, take you to the park, allow you to go skating with your friends, go swimming over at the neighbors’ house, spend the night with friends, and so on….I don’t have time, because I’m doing your chores.

I actually sat down with the oldest and put it in financial terms; my time is worth $50/hour when I’m running my photography business. For every hour I’m forced to do things that aren’t my responsibility, that’s $50 less money I have for things that are fun, and one hour less that I could be spending doing those fun things. While probably not the best approach to take with your son, I imagine it might make sense to your husband if you put it that way.

Not that I’m saying you haven’t already, that’s just my take on it.

Yeah, that’s the part I have to get VH to agree to help enforce. Been working on it for a while now without success.

I am SO sick of always being the bad guy.

I know it’s hard to say “No.” and mean it, and if I can be permitted a completely biased opinion here, it’s usually the Mommy that has the hardest time with following through on it. I know that’s the case at our house; the kids have learned that when Mommy has taken her pain medication and is lying down, and WG isn’t paying attention, it’s a good time to get Mommy to promise anything. Devious little boogers….

I do less around the house than Red does because I work full time in my day job and I work part time as a photographer. I don’t have spare time and literally couldn’t do laundry and get enough sleep if I tried. When she goes back to school full time and continues building her Mary Kay business, I’ll have to pick up more of the load somehow, but that’s how it goes.

I’m also not hesitant about passing some of the duties of the household onto the kids. Everyday cleaning of their bedrooms and the common-use areas of the house are the province of the younger two. The oldest is assigned full-time responsibility for the dishes and countertops in the kitchen. Their mother and I try really hard to reinforce the “no-going-to-play-or-anywhere-fun-until-chores-and-homework-are-done” rule, and I won’t kid you, there are times they really hate it. They all three really enjoy swimming, for example, and earlier this week when it was 90 F here at 5 PM and they were invited to go swimming, they were very upset with me when I told them, no, you’ve been home long enough to have gotten your chores done, and you chose to waste that time watching cartoons. Tough.

*steps off soapbox* Oops.

So after watching late-night TV he spent $75 (which was very hard to come by at that point in our marriage) on one of those direct marketing things that promised to turn him into a millionaire within 30 days. Thing is, the box sat there unopened for 30 days… until I found it and just about blew my stack that he could’ve been so gullible.

That’s when I realized what a good thing it is that my husband is gorgeous.

You know- I always find this sort of offer extremely humorous. I do direct mail for a living. That’s right- I send unsolicited advertising to addresses just like yours everyday.

The thing that amuses me about ‘stuffing envelopes from home’ scams is the amount of money they promise per piece. I’d love to be able to bill those kind of per piece rates.

But here’s the best part- several years ago my (now ex) wife was part of a corporate downsizing. Not to worry though- she sent money to one of these scams (albeit only $5 or so) so that she could learn about how to make money stuffing envelopes. Maybe that’s when I should have realized we had a serious communication problem.

(BTW- I know it’s not necessary for me to type ‘now ex’ for the purposes of this story- but I just like doing it.)