If You Could Read My Mind…
…What a tale my thoughts would tell.
My apologies to Gordon Lightfoot — and to those of you now infected with that ear worm — but if you could read my mind you’d know that song has been stuck in my head for three days now thanks to my grocery store’s muzak system. At least it beats the song left swimming in my brain after my previous trip; there ought to be a law against playing “Karma Chameleon” in public places.
But, seriously, if you could read my mind — or anyone else’s for that matter — would you want to? I’m not sure I’d want to read yours, or anyone else’s, for that matter.
I can’t help wondering how it would feel to know that VH does, indeed, think my hips look huge. Or to be acutely aware of my mother-in-law’s true thoughts on my parenting. After all, what she says is already infuriating enough. When you’re a 40-year-old, overweight woman can it be that interesting to know what perfect strangers are thinking as they pass you on the street? I don’t know that my ego could handle it, to be honest.
I do know that I’d never want my loved ones being able to read what’s going through my head, particularly when I stumble across their dirty clothes on the floor or am interrupted for the umpteenth time in the bathroom. The ability to censor my initial thoughts and filter them before they leave my mouth (at least most of the time) is something I wouldn’t want taken away, which is precisely what would happen if someone else read my mind.
Or what about sending messages telepathically? Now, I can definitely see some usefulness there. I mean, I’ve been trying to do just that every night for nine long years as I sit in bed mentally willing VH to stop snoring. How I’d love to spare us both the wasted minutes that follow his outburst every time my pillow connects with his forehead. Or to be able to plant in his mind the notion of bringing home flowers and champagne without my having to ask for it.
How about you? Would you choose to read other peoples’ minds, or is there some other super power you’d rather have if you could?
*never tease someone who is dieting* *never tease someone who is dieting* *never tease...
I don’t know if it qualifies as a superpower or not, but I would love to have Samantha’s ability to walk into any room of my home, twinkle my nose and everything that is out of place start putting itself back in place or the dishes and dirty laundry start washing themselves. Oh, the most divine of all would be to walk into the bathrooms, twinkle my nose and the rooms begin to clean themselves! It is such a lovely fantasy.
Oh heck, yeah!
Are you kidding? Every married man is expected to already have this ability! The expectation that we do would explain SOOOO much. I would love to be able to read the minds of women. No more guessing, no more confusion. Peace on Earth!
I object. I assure you that I am QUITE vocal about what I want, how I want it done, when I want it, and how freaking happy my husband should be whilst doing whatever it is that I want.
Do I get credit for not expecting him to read my mind? Do I get points for actually using Mr. Lips and Mr. Tongue to tell him what I want?
Hell no. I get called a “nag”.
If I could only have one psychic power it would be the power to heal disease and injury by thought. Not the revivalist preacher faith healing. Honest to goodness miracle stuff. Science fiction writers have called it biokinetics. I agree totally with Kate about the mind-reading. It would be the last thing I would like to have. We already have very good substitutes — empathy, intuition and just plain communication.
Then you are definitely in the minority. And I don’t think I would ever call being open “Nagging”. I, for one, would appreciate a woman who speaks her mind.
A man is walking on the beach and he finds a bottle. He opens it and genie comes out. The genie says, “Master, for freeing me, I will grant you one wish”. The man says: “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m afraid to fly. Can you build me a bridge?” The genie replies: “Were I to do that, I would use up half the concrete and steel in the world. Please ask for something else”. The man says, “Well … I always wanted to understand how women think”. And the genie says: “Do you want a suspension bridge or a multiple-arched bridge?”
That’s a great one, NK! And I was about to tell you all the various reasons why it was, but then my response grew long enough for a blog entry.
Kate,
You live in another hundreds of miles away and we’ve never met, yet I can already read your mind. At least once or twice a day, I suddenly know what you are thinking. It always seems to happen when I am using my computer.
LOL. Quite true, Rammer. And yet as “venomous” as the reading is sometimes, it’s still self-censored.