My Morning As A One-Woman Wet T-Shirt Contest
It’s hot outside. Hot and humid and utterly miserable, just as it has been for days and looks to be for many days in the future. It sucks.
I hate the heat. I hate humidity. I hate the way that certain wobbly parts of my body seem to sweat more than their non-wobbly counterparts. Ergo, while sitting on the deck writing this morning I decided to tuck a plastic bag filled with ice down my cleavage. (Yes, there’s plenty of room.) Lordy, that felt good.
Not a half-hour later, the doorbell rang. A friend was heading to the health food store and wanted to know if I felt l like tagging along. Out came the bag of ice, on went my shoes and sunglasses, and off we went.
Now, if you’ve ever had the experience of being a chubby woman strolling around in a health food store you’re familiar with the covert but disapproving stares of strangers. You know they’re thinking that organic food isn’t the solution: less food is. You’re familiar with feeling stupid and awkward as you stand surveying the shelves of supplements promising to speed weight loss, and the smirks of those who see you doing so. In other words, I didn’t give much thought to why everyone I passed on every aisle was looking at me and then hurriedly looking away.
Until I got home, that is.
There, thanks to that bag full of ice I’d so enjoyed previously, I saw that my t-shirt had gone almost entirely transparent from the condensation and so had my bra. But did my friend say anything? Did she point out that I was a walking one woman wet t-shirt contest? Did she suggest I change before we left the house? No, no she did not.
“Oh, I didn’t notice it,” she explained when I called her to fume over the incident. And, really, what can I do but accept her protestation of innocence?
While reviewing my receipt to compare just how much more organic fruit costs than the stuff at our local grocery store I noticed the clerk forgot to charge me for the avocados, heirloom tomatoes and cantaloupe I’d purchased.
Coincidence?
I think not.
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Been there done that hate it! I’d like to slap the piss outta skinny people and friends that can’t speak up.
~kats last blog post..The Happy Flu
I’m crying … that was so funny!
Taris last blog post..Blech
Good one! Giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, she probably didn’t notice. Had your friend been male, he would have noticed but probably wouldn’t have said anything either.
What a titillating tale!
Sorry. I hadda.
And hey, if your cantaloupes get you a free bag o’ fruit, YOU GO, GIRL.
Was this forgetful clerk male, by chance?
CGHills last blog post..Automotive contrarianism
On Freerepublic anytime there is a thread about Ann Coulter- pictures are required. It’s a rule
….Just sayin…
There is absolutely no doubt that your friend was female and the clerk was male. And girrrl, you don’t know from humidity
Jeffs last blog post..Rush: Gamers
Oh my gosh! I would have died. At least you got some freebies out of the deal. I mean the free fruit, not the free looks.
Cool freebies have to do that more often, will save money on your grocery bill! hehehehehehe…
I have the problem here(Chiner)of not only men but women staring at my chest. Sheesh! Hubby says it is because they have never seen any that big before. Thanks!
My problem is I hate wearing a bra in the hot humid weather and I am not a girl who can go without one. I wish!
So what is it with the river of sweat, that runs like a waterfall, in the cleavage only to be damned up by the bottom of the bra, which makes it that much more uncomfortable. I can hardly wait to get home to pull that sadistic trap off my bod. Of course once home and trap off my bod and flung on to a chair forgotten, someone always stops over and I wish I had it on my bod again….
Stay Cool!
Tai-Tais last blog post..Baking Eggy Buttery Bread on a Saturday
I shed my bra ASAP when I get home, too. But that brings another hazard when I’m sitting on the deck: the dreaded boob-rip when I stand to go refill my martini.
THAT RILLEY HURTZ.
No comment.
Donna B.s last blog post..McCain’s Editorial Is Good Enough For Me
Boob-rip? I’m (almost) afraid to ask…
The male equivalent would be bat wing syndrome…
Or stuck junk.
excellent. i love stories like this.
Eek.
Im sure they were a lot of happy guys around
Man…okay…been searching the net for pics…none so far. Damn!
This thread is worthless without… er… yeah!
Yet another instance of me being thankful I am a man, and that I do not have to concern myself with such things… at least not happening to me, that is.
omigosh… Didn’t I have a nightmare like that last week?
Last time something like that happened to me I was caught in a rain shower -very common down here- and as my capris were new, had not realized that when wet they become see-through.
Of course I had gone commando that day.
We’ve all been there!
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Sometime I’ll tell you how I spent five minutes talking to my babysitter’s mother and noticed only after I walked away that my fly was open.
nks last blog post..Dumbass!
I do hope the babysitter’s mother didn’t make an issue of it!
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She is a lady, too. I went back and tried to apologize in an oblique way, what I said was “I am totally emabarassed by the way I was dressed when I was talking to you earlier” and she said, “I didn’t notice anything, what are you talking about?”
And, if you’ll forgive me Kate, I know you’re a married lady, I’m sorry I was not at that health food store at the time.
nks last blog post..Dumbass!
The upside to a one-woman contest is that you are guaranteed to win. The downside is that whatever you do win will be something of a booby prize, by definition.
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