I’ve been trying to figure out how to get photos of the crazy neighbors for you without inviting a lawsuit. Today, I figured I might just get my chance: the Big-Eyed Boy wanted to ride his bike outside for a while, so I took my cell phone with me.
We have few enough children in our neighborhood that when one goes out to play the others soon follow. It gives them all a chance to hang out, and usually is about the only time the Moms and Dads actually talk to each other. Otherwise, we pretty much go our own separate ways aside from the occasional conversations at the mailbox.
So, while the Big-Eyed Boy happily rode around in circles on our cul de sac, I waited. And waited. He hooped and hollered — and that’s usually sufficient to bring the other kids out. This time, no go. Of course not: because this time I was hoping to see her.
Just as the Boy started getting tired, I began folding my lawn chair and grabbing my bottle of water to head back inside. That’s when the crazy neighbor lady with the big hair and even bigger voice zoomed around the corner in her SUV. I was damn glad my son was already safely off the street, let me just tell you.
As I headed back into the house, the woman had the audacity to roll down her window, nod at the bottle in my hand and say, “Starting a bit early, aren’t we, Kate?” I was drinking San Pellegrino mineral water. Apparently, that thar stuff is too fancy fer the likes of her to reckugnize.
You know, I think I’ve had three, maybe four conversations with this woman, not one of which has ever involved drinking. (Nor have I been drinking before hand, since our conversations are usually around 7 a.m. when I shout out my front door for her to shut the hell up.)
But, I swear, it’s a good thing I wasn’t already hitting the hard stuff or I’d have marched right over there and given that woman a reason to be wearing a padded panty for the next week.
Wednesday, July 25th, 2007, 4:43 pm | 
My Venomous Life | 
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July 25, 2007 at 5:30 pm
I don’t know that I’m a better person… I was just very conscious of my son being there and how good of a job he does imitating me later.
July 25, 2007 at 5:10 pm
You are a better person than me. I would have responded, “YOU SHOULD KNOW!”
July 25, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I would have said “Bite Me B@!#*”….lol. Luckily, my neighbors are about 20 miles away;)
July 25, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Hey, for a mere $272,000 my neighbors can live miles and miles away, too!
(Man, I wish we could talk them into reducing the price of their home to, well, somewhere closer to the price of the other homes around here. These people need to MOVE!)
July 25, 2007 at 8:08 pm
So all this and NO PHOTOS?!
July 25, 2007 at 8:21 pm
You want to pay my attorney and/or medical bills?
July 25, 2007 at 8:50 pm
No, but you started out armed with a cell phone and promising photos. Maybe I should sue YOU.
July 25, 2007 at 8:53 pm
LOL. Good luck with that.
July 25, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Me, too. It’s too bad we can’t sue the insolvent, although I bet you are more solvent than I am. If not, maybe I could just move in with you guys, and we can play with makeup and flat-irons in the mornings and blog or read books in the afternoons.
July 25, 2007 at 10:05 pm
I have hear so much about this woman, I can hardly wait to see what she looks like.
July 26, 2007 at 8:11 am
Yeah, ‘cuz I have such a leisurely life.
July 27, 2007 at 9:43 am
See… restraint is good sometimes. Cuz after the starting early comment, I’d have said “only when I heard your car round the corner”
July 27, 2007 at 10:45 am
Oooo, Jae, I like the way you think.