I turn 40 one month from today. My body has been preparing for this for quite some time. Over the past decade, various features have slowly shifted south (and sometimes both east and west) of their initial location. I like to think of it as becoming a more dimensional person.
About the only part of my body that remotely resembles the original packaging is my waist which, albeit bigger, is still smaller than my hips or boobs. This entitles me to be most kindly described as “hourglass” in shape, provided I’ve done some crunches lately and refrained from salty foods. Everything else is, well, shot to hell with the exception of my cleavage: the fat girl’s consolation prize.
So while I am now wise enough to dress in a way that accentuates my, er, “charms”, I am cursed with enduring the ongoing low-rise and hip-hugger fashion trend in jeans. That, as any woman can tell you, means one thing: the dreaded muffin-top. Thanks to the low-rise style, the bellies of teenage girls now resemble their fathers’. Their mothers’ do, too.
Fashionistas in the know recognize that the low-rise jean was immediately followed by another, more flattering fashion-trend: the forgiving baby-doll blouse … a/k/a muffin-top camo. In other words: the whole damn fashion industry has conspired against the normal female shape, first stuffing our lower-halves into denim tubes that squeeze our feminine form up and out, then selling us overpriced tops designed to hide the effects from others, as well as from ourselves.
It’s time to stop the insanity! I do not want to be a 40-year-old woman who can’t bend over not for lack of flexibility (I’m rather bendy for a fat girl), but because I don’t want the hemline of my top to gap and reveal that — in addition to wearing normal panties instead of a thong — half my ass and abdomen are hanging out of my jeans and it’s not pretty.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to start wearing “Mom jeans.” But isn’t it about time fashion designers remember that the belly — which pants are supposed to cover — is more than three inches above the area that modesty demands pants cover in the first place?
Comments
Tuesday, May 8th, 2007, 2:43 pm | 
My Venomous Life | 
RSS feed
Comments and pings are currently closed.
May 8, 2007 at 3:04 pm
I actually read an article recently saying that higher waists are coming back in to style. One can only hope…
May 8, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Now that would be a grand birthday present!
May 8, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Yeah, not only that – but I’m not 20 anymore… or even 29. I don’t want to dress like a teenager – how dumb is that. But the choices seem to be teenage skank or grandma… geeze!
I got my last pair of jeans at makeyourownjeans.com and they’re great – but if you’re on a tight budget – it’s probably too expensive. There’s just no winning. *sigh*
May 8, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Yes, it’s pricey, but a good pair of jeans is an investment: they’ll last for years & you can wear them with anything. I’d read about that site (and seem to recall Levi did something similar for a while, too) but nixed the idea on the grounds that I really do want to lose a couple of sizes.
Then again, maybe investing in a pricey pair of jeans at my current size might have a magical effect. Kinda like those folks who sell their kids’ baby clothes and cribs in a garage sale and wind up getting pregnant the following month. Ya think?
May 8, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Hubby bought a new Bowflex for our anniversary and it comes with a personal trainer for one session (that part is mine!) Since I have a bad leg and back it’s difficult to figure out what I can do to burn calories that’s not going to hurt (now or later). After I learn what to do it will be time to set a schedule and keep to it. Then I’ll think about buying jeans again. I share my “twin’s” hourglass figure and if they fit my waist, they are WAY too tight in the hips, butt and thighs. I would love a pair of jeans fits without camel-toeing and are slightly loose on the thighs.
May 8, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Kim:
Oh, Amen to that! I just ordered this cool exercise video
by Minna Lessig. I LOVE the notion of being able to pop in a DVD and tell it (1) the muscle groups I want to work; (2) the intensity I’m up to that day; and (3) how much time I have available to work out, then get a new work-out each and every time!
With all the joint problems I’ve been having, kick-boxing or riding my exercise bike (or just about anything involving the least bit of impact) are out of the question. My core and my knees definitely need some strength training, but since I have “good days” and “bad days” with my joints (and with my energy levels), a lot of times I skip working out because I just know I’m not going to be able to keep up with the pace. So when a (rapidly shrinking and firming) friend recommended that DVD, I ordered it the same day.
I suspect that losing a few pounds and strengthening some muscles will lessen my joint pain. Now if I could just find some exercise clothes I like. I can’t believe all the good-looking yoga pants are also low-rise. AAAAAGHHHH!
May 8, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I found a pair that the top folds over for the low rise look so you can actually just not fold it and the waist’ll reach up to your sports bra!
May 9, 2007 at 12:09 am
I should mention, by the by, that she’s 5’3″, with the measurements to match.
I pointed this thread out to her, Kate, and she said that you should look at Target. That’s where she got her yoga outfit, and it’s certainly flattering.
Not that I’d sit and watch her yoga routine out of anything but purely platonic motives, of course. *cough*
May 8, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Low-rise pants only look good on one type of body, and that’s a woman with hips only marginally wider than her waist. Both Mel’s twin sister and her older sister are built that way – on them, it looks great.
Thank god I got the curvy one.
May 9, 2007 at 7:48 am
I don’t have a problem with styles so much, being a guy, but I do have a problem with glasses — all the new glasses are the low-profile ones (the narrow lenses, et al), and I hate those because they mess with my peripheral vision. Instead I like my old, round glasses – not the big-ass geek glasses or the ones that look like Carerra sunglasses, but just regular, slightly-elliptical, squared around the edges glasses.
No one sells them. Fortunately Wal-Mart will custom cut lenses.
May 9, 2007 at 9:06 am
Target’s where I got the yoga pants with the foldover/rollover waist! Thanks WG – you jogged my memory.