If you’ve been following me on Twitter then you know that I dragged myself to the gym yesterday, though it’s not really fair to call it a gym. That calls to mind monthly fees, Spandex queens and sweaty crowds.
I went, instead, to our community center which features all the stuff you’d want in a gym — weight room, indoor track and pool, cardio equipment — with hardly a soul in sight. The few folks who were there were geriatric, and they weren’t any more interested in wearing Spandex than I was. Plus, they all seemed to have turned off their hearing aids. The perfect environment, really, for an overweight misanthrope like Yours Venomously.
Since my foot is still all sorts of screwed up, so bouncing my fat self around in an aerobics class was out. With all the stairs in my house and all the running around I do here, I’m managing to get 10,000 steps per day (though each and every one hurts). So I figured I’d try out the weight machines. Surely, if I put them on the lightest weight setting, that wouldn’t leave me too sore, right?
Wrong-o. I am in ah-ah-ah-ah-agony. Even my fingers hurt. WTF? Naturally, as I’m shuffling and groaning around today I can’t help but wondering why this is supposed to be good for me? And, seriously, with all the other things we can cure with a pill these days, why can’t someone invent “exercise in a pill”? Hmmm???
Frankly, I’m thinking about saying screw it and making the most of my large ass(ets), perhaps with a pair of Winkers. Or maybe a pair of jeans emblazoned on the ass with the words “Your Ad Here“.
Friday, August 21st, 2009, 11:42 am | 
My Venomous Life | 
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August 21, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Haha! There ain’t no way in hayell I’d wear those jeans – yet. After nearly a year of working out and counting calories, (and getting not a hell of a lot of weight loss) I am giving Atkins a try and I’m down 5 pounds in two weeks. (It shows that I’m resistant to weight loss. GEE, YA THINK?)
Hang in there and keep it up. Baby steps. You’re doing great just by getting out and doing it.
August 21, 2009 at 2:30 pm
That Winkers video may give nightmares. The last one? The eyes don’t wink, the eyeballs just roll up. And the owl? Evil in there somewhere.
August 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm
SO glad to have you back blogging Kate..you are entertainment for those of us at home! And encouragement for all of us also trying to lose weight and keep motivated to “work out”. Although The Little Pirate sure gives me enough of one chasing after him daily! I think that should be an excercise plan all it’s own “New 1 yr old energy boost”!
August 21, 2009 at 8:00 pm
LOL! So funny!
August 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Just wait, in a few weeks I’ll probably be blogging the same thing! We’ll be moving and the new place has a community center with game room and exercise room. game room I might be able to handle, exercise room might be a whole different story!
August 22, 2009 at 8:32 am
I go to golds gym and much like you I hate working out,but I do feel better when I work out
August 22, 2009 at 9:17 am
I always loved doing Atkins. What’s not to like about a diet that lets you eat deviled eggs, bacon and ribs? I never lost more than 1 lb on it, though. I blame the bacon.
August 22, 2009 at 9:18 am
I do think I’d get paranoid following someone who was wearing them, ya know what I mean?
August 22, 2009 at 9:19 am
I had our weight room mostly to myself, which was nice… especially when I got on the machine that works out hamstrings. Lord, I’d been worried someone would be in there with cell phone camera.
August 22, 2009 at 9:19 am
Thanks!
August 22, 2009 at 9:20 am
My brain certainly appreciates the exercise, and I don’t have nearly as much joint pain post-workout (even if every muscle in my body hurts).
August 22, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Chasing kids is the primary cause of gray hair, you know. I tried one day doing all the jumping and running around that the Big-Eyed Boy does. I was napping by 9 a.m.
Hugs to the Little Pirate. Good to see you!