Suggestions For Santa
The Venomous Hubby has asked for my Christmas wish list. I don’t know about you, but I dread writing down the things I’d truly desire. A year’s worth of maid service? It’d never happen, but wouldn’t that be a real treat? An afternoon at the salon primping, preening and plucking all those things I don’t have time for myself — plus regular maintenance appointments thereafter — well, that’s not likely to happen, either.
When it comes to this time of year, I think practical(ly): I want things that either (a) I need for the house but have been too busy scrimping on money to buy; or (b) make my job(s) around the house easier; or (c) represent a grand splurge on something so fantastic, so perfectly feminine and gorgeous that I don’t know how I lived without it before but which would no doubt send us directly to bankrutpcy court. Needless to say, I prefer (a) and (b) over (c). But I am, I realize, unusual in that regard.
I don’t want clothes. First off, I don’t want him to know my true size. I spend quite a bit of effort snipping out the tags on the items I buy for myself, and as long as mankind makes beer, I’ll have my husband convinced I remain… well, smaller than I truly am. Second — and this is more pressing, since I have so little time and patience to return stuff — VH’s taste in clothing is… well, let’s just say it’s “more eccentric” than mine.
Also, I don’t want jewelry. Oh, ok. I don’t want cheap jewelry (read, anything with nickel or “created” in the description) and I don’t want anything small enough to be described as dainty, delicate, or diminutive. That leaves big, honkin’ jewels… ooooh, emeralds, baybee!… and, well, satisfying my demands in that department would result in that bankruptcy thing. In other words, jewelry is out. At least until we win the lottery.
That leaves (a) and (b), and before you take my own personal tastes as shopping suggestions for your wife/girlfriend/current squeeze, let me just warn you that I am unusual in this regard. See, I’m thinking towels. Thick, plush white ones that can withstand repeated cycles of hot water and bleach, which are necessary to removing my 15-year-old’s never-quite-removed makeup. I’m thinking blankets, one for each bed and one for the guest room. Mattress pads, the egg-foam kind, that make a bed so much more cozy, albeit less sanitary. Cleaning gizmos? I love ‘em. Kitchen gadgets? Great, if they make cooking dinner more simple. Lingerie? Well, honey, I’m tired.
But therein lies my dilemma: what do I ask for?
And so I thought I’d turn to you, my Venomites, for your suggestions on the cleaning or cooking items you find indispensable. Not the kitchen staples (with my love of cooking, I’ve got plenty of those, thank you), but those little whatnots and tchotchkes you never thought you’d use but now can’t imagine living without.
Can you help me tell Santa what would make my life easier? What would make it more simple, more satisfying and enjoyable?
*never tease someone who is dieting* *never tease someone who is dieting* *never tease...
This is a tough one that yearly sends me into a tailspin. I agree with all of your pros/cons…the towels are a bit bewildering but okay, I can see where you’re coming from with that….however, my thought is – WHY DON’T THEY ALREADY KNOW WHAT WE WANT BECAUSE THEY KNOW US THAT WELL BECAUSE WE ARE THEIR VERY BREATH! Is that asking too much? Is that unreasonable? Is that not only asking for the moon and that stars but all while balancing the planets on their noses? Don’t get me wrong, I know true love and the depth of soul fusion but c’mon, is this too much to ask that THEY SIMPLY KNOW what that perfect gift is for us?????………………….. now if you’ll excuse me……I have to circle in red my choices in the new Fossil catalog.
Well, the towels come from the fact that VH’s retirement pay got cut in half to pay back a “separation bonus” he took during Marriage #1… which I didn’t know about when we bought this house (the bonus, that is). So, suddenly, we’re living on much less income than I’d budgeted.
And I haven’t been this cash-poor since college. Sure, we’ve got a nice house, etc., but I hadn’t planned on paying all these bills with so much less income.
So I’ll be standing at the store debating whether to buy towels to replace the 8-year-old stained, ratty towels we’ve been using (and I’ve been re-dying, re-hemming, and fabric shaving) or whether to buy, say, printer cartridges so I can keep printing up the things I create for homeschool. And kids/school always win. But (although I’m sorry to sound whiny), I’m getting tired of everything being ratty.
I figured if I put towels on the list, I might not have to dither at the store for the next year.
But I agree, Dana: they know what we want. So, ok, I want things that either make the house — which is almost my entire world — something that makes me feel a bit more proud, or I want things that make it a bit easier for me to keep up with the house.
Either way, it’s selfish on my part: my world’s defined by the limits of our walls, but I’d sure like to feel a bit more pampered herein.
Go for the towels, Kate. As thick and plush as soft as they possibly come…nothing less than Egyptian cotton. And then, just make sure only YOU use them because really no one else in the house really cares and no one else will appreciate the luxurious texture and the fact that they are NEW and FRESH and most importantly, YOURS!!
Ah, Dana. If there was anything in my house that could be mine like that I’d be a happy woman!
Try one of those el-cheepo radio phones (
Sorry about the bogus tag.
Try one of those el-cheepo radio phones (*less than* $20); so, you can wander around the house and yak with your pals. Just check to be sure it doesn’t mess up your wireless internet. Also consider a real nice kitchen knife or sharpening steel. The difference between a good sharp knife and the crappy ones I grew up using is dramatic.
A thought or two.
1) Would you like some BIG fluffy towels with a fancy Hotel’s monogram on them. Towels that say “MOM’s Stuff, Don’t even think about using them on the dog or car”. I did just that for a friend a few years ago. I called the fancy hotels (the kind with the big terri cloth bath robes) and ask them if they would sell me some of their bath towels. The first one that said yes sold me four large bath towel for $4.00 each. My friend was thrilled but she was afraid I had swiped them so I had to give her the reciept.
2) A coworker told me once “Appliances are not presents” jewels are. I found a program at JC Penny’s that sold diamond jewelry with a certificate that allowed you to trade in for more expensive stuff later. I got HER a diamond slide and a gold chain ($450). She got misty about it and refuses to let me upgrade it later. $ well spent on good advice.
I’d go for the once a week cleaning lady for a year. Pop to Kmart and pick up some cheap towels until you win the lottery.
Oh, Lynne, that’d be paradise!
What is it with TOWELS on Christmas wish lists???? http://www.fireflyplace.net/
Too funny
Bwahahaha. That’s almost my exact list, but I want to learn to knit, not crochet, and I like gummi bears more than Dots.