The Answer Is Two

I have a cold

The question is: how many boxes of tissue have I gone through since realizing yesterday evening that I was coming down with yet another cold? That’s right: another cold. Or maybe I’ve just had the same one all year long, and the random days on which I was not sneezing, coughing and hacking my guts out were mere flukes.

Hard to say.

All I know is that, if weighed independently, my nose probably contains 5 pounds of snot, and that no amount of sneezing or blowing seems to reduce what’s in there. Also, I have a fever.

Given how chilly it is today, that might be a good thing. It would certainly explain why my son keeps trying to stick his cold little feet under the back of my shirt. (That, incidentally, is not a fun way to be awakened from a nap.)

Anyway, consider this your invitation to entertain each other in the comment section by telling a good joke.

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13 Responses to “The Answer Is Two”
Comment by Leigh Subscribed to comments via email
2007-11-07 16:54:31

Oh that sucks. Colds are awful. I’m sorry. I hope you feel better very soon! (Have you ever tried Zicam? We swear by it.)

Here’s a funny for ya:

A man enters his Vet’s office with his hamster. The Vet takes a look at it and announces it’s dead.

“No, I don’t think so” says the man. “He gets really tired a lot, but I don’t believe he’s dead.”

The Vet goes and opens the door, through which enters a Labrador. The dog circles the hamster, sniffs it, then walks out. “See?” said the Vet. “It’s dead.”

“I don’t think so” replied the man.

So the Vet opens the door again, but this time a cat comes in. It circles the hamster, sniffs it and paws it a couple of times, then turns and leaves.

“OK”, said the man. “It’s dead.”

“That will be $85″, replied the Vet.

“What???!!! What for?!”, exclaimed the man.

“For the Lab test and CAT scan”.

Bwahahahahahaha!

 
Comment by pam
2007-11-07 17:06:17

Hope you feel better! I got this in email:

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

“That must’ve been scary”, said the teacher.

“It sure was”, said the little girl.

“My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffffff, Fffffff, Fffffff, Fffff ff’…And before he could say “F**k”, the rottweiler ate him!”

 
Comment by Venomous Kate (admin)
2007-11-07 18:14:31

I’d kill for chicken noodle soup right now.

 
Comment by kimsch
2007-11-07 18:33:28

It’s amazing how much snot can live in your head at any one time.

 
Comment by Steve
2007-11-08 08:15:44

Barak Obama and Rudy Giuliani somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him, jokingly saying,

“No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I’ve been in a brothel.”

The second barber turned to Rudy and said, “How about you, Mr Guiliani?”

Guiliani replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like”.

 
Comment by Venomous Kate (admin)
2007-11-08 10:16:31

You folks are hilarious!

 
Comment by wg
2007-11-08 11:55:22

My all time favorite joke:

A man walks into a bar.

Ouch.

 
Comment by grasshopper
2007-11-09 12:00:10

Two blondes walk into a building.

You’d think one of them would have seen it.

 
Comment by Neal White
2007-11-09 13:16:41

Do you have any idea what it would be like for men if God was a woman?

We would still be going to hell, but we’d have no idea why.

 
Comment by Venomous Kate (admin)
2007-11-09 13:43:56

Good one!

 
Comment by guide
2007-11-10 01:26:21

Your site is also very interesting, very calming effect just reading it. Will spend more time with certain areas. Well done and good luck with your work.

 
Comment by Chelle
2007-11-11 14:27:08

Dear Kate,
When sick, please use rubber gloves when blogging. I think I caught your cold! LOL

Love,
Chelle

 
Comment by Venomous Kate (admin)
2007-11-12 19:08:40

Sorry, Chelle. Next time I’ll be better about washing my hands first, too.

 

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