Like any responsible human co-habitating with cats, I’ve been checking the pet food recall list daily, always fearing to discover that despite my best efforts I’ve been feeding my feline companions a lethal food. So far, their favorite stuff — 9 Lives canned cat food — isn’t on the list. I don’t know whether to be relieved or not.

See, about a week ago both cats started puking. All over the place. Several times a day. Meanwhile, their litter boxes began to stink up the whole house. Judging by the number of times both Pippin and Butch elected to crap on the stairs, the Oriental carpet and a pile of white bath towels, I’m assuming they were as offended as I by the increasingly grotesque conditions of their litter boxes. But even cleaning each box twice per day did nothing to solve the problem.

I swear lately it’s felt like I’ve either been stepping in cat puke or crap, or I’ve been cleaning cat puke or crap. Naturally, they both seem to believe this is my calling in life. I, on the other hand, have given serious thought to corking each of them at both ends.

So, I switched them to Science Diet dry cat food two days ago. I didn’t warn them. I didn’t mix it in slowly with their other food. I didn’t have the patience and, besides, I’d run out of 9 Lives. The greedy little buggers didn’t even seem to notice – they ate the dry cat food just as voraciously as they did the smelly, more expensive wet stuff.

This, of course, means that I can now scrap the ad I was thinking of running in our local classifieds: Free to home with no hygienic standards: two cats. Slightly used.