Amazingly, I’m starting to learn that being toothless isn’t all that bad. There are, in fact, quite a few things that I can do now that I’m not encumbered by front teeth. For instance:

» I have at last perfected my imitation of Daffy Duck. Yikes and away!
»Or, armed with a bowl of oatmeal, I can do a mean rendition of John Belushi’s impersonation of a zit in Animal House.
»I can stick my tongue out at people without even opening my mouth.
»I can spew a large grape further across a room than anyone else.
»I can freak out telemarketers by my inability to speak coherently to the point where they hang up on me!
»I can still walk into a room and turn heads… although not for the same reason.

Guess you can figure out for yourself that I’m getting my sense of humor back and, yes, that means I’m feeling better. I was able to go all night without stuffing gauze in my mouth, and I haven’t needed more than a couple of Tylenol for the pain this morning.

I’ve even found a way to overcome my mouth’s caved-in look, which has (along with the pain killers) kept me house-bound since the accident! I owe it all to one of the Fang Fund contributors, JoAnne. Along with her donation, she sent a note advising me to wear a mouth guard the next time I go on a bike ride.

Well, it so happens that I have a pair of custom-made tooth-bleaching trays from a couple of years back. Although less sturdy — and therefore less bulky — they definitely resemble a mouth guard. So I slipped them on (without bleach, obviously) and even though they fit a bit differently without front teeth anchoring them, they definitely provide support for the the front of my mouth. When they’re in, I actually don’t look like a freak show!

As long as I don’t open my mouth — aye, there’s the rub! — I think I may be able to get out of the house again. Unfortunately, my gums are still too tender to wear them right now, but maybe in a day or two I can at least slip them in long enough to run errands. (The poor Venomous Hubby’s getting worn down trying to juggle everything on his own.)

Of course, that makes life more convenient but it doesn’t fix this huge gap in the front of my face that frightens the hell out of my little boy. It was bad enough crashing my bike in front of him — he was terrified to see his Mommy covered in blood and spitting out teeth. It took quite a bit of my husband’s talking and my vigorous nodding to assure Venom Boy that he was not at all responsible for the crash. But seeing me without teeth? Well, although I know he loves me dearly, right now I’m probably more scary to him than any monster his imagination could conjure.

But not for much longer.

The Fangs Fund has almost reached the half-way mark! In fact, this afternoon I am going to my dentist’s office not only so he can see how I’m healing, but also to drop off a check to cover the first two — count ‘em, two! — of the four installments the clinic had broken my total bill into.

Your generosity and support are so very wonderful. Never in my life have I experienced this kind of kindness. “Thank you” just seems too small to describe how grateful I am for your donations.

UPDATE: As of 9:53 a.m. (Central), the Fang Fund is halfway there!

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