So, I got to the hotel without a hitch only to discover the bar doesn’t open until 5 p.m. What the heck, I figured, I’ll get settled in my room. Unpacked my stuff, got the laptop online and looked around for an ashtray so I could have a smoke. Turns out, there aren’t any: in the year since I last stayed here the place has gone non-smoking…even in the bar. Bastards.

Still needing to kill time until Happy Hour, I decided to step outside for a cigarette. Not surprisingly, there was quite a little crowd standing around the ashtray, all of them shivering because it’s freakishly cold today. Around the time I stuck a ciggie in my mouth and started rummaging around in my purse for a light the crowd went back inside, leaving only me and this tall, rather good-looking guy who kindly lit my cigarette for me.

Then he said:

“Yes, you know I’ve never met anyone like you. But I have to say, as attracted as I am to you, I just don’t think it’s going to work out. I’ve got too much going on in my life right now, okay?”

Torn between feeling flattered and freaked out, I shook my head and replied: “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Then I took a couple of steps away. I just got rid of my last stalker a couple of months ago and I don’t think I’m up for that kind of drama again.

“No, I mean it,” he said. “But, hey, we can have a few drinks together, right?”

Sobriety was looking surprisingly good to me at that point. I stubbed my cigarette out and made a beeline for the hotel door.

That’s when he continued, “Listen, I’ve got another call. We’ll talk soon, okay? Bye.”

Fucking hands free cell phone headsets.