Coming next month to a pharmacy near you, the latest revamped diet pill from GlaxoSmithKline: alli (pronounced like ally but spelled, no doubt, to catch the iWhatever demographic.) What makes this diet pill different from others, besides the fact that it’s almost identical to its prescription-only ancestor, Xenical? This time, the diet pill manufacturers are trying a new approach: honesty.

You will not lose weight in your sleep or shed pounds while eating anything you want — that’s the sobering message from the maker of a weight loss pill poised to hit shelves next month. [...]

In clinical trials, the FDA says that people using alli lost an additional 2 to 3 pounds for every 5 pounds lost through diet and exercise. The FDA approved alli to be sold over the counter in February.

When taken with meals, the drug blocks the absorption of about one-quarter of any fat consumed. That fat — about 150 to 200 calories worth — is passed out of the body, potentially resulting in loose stools.

About half of patients in trials experienced gastrointestinal side effects, including leakages and oily discharges.

GlaxoSmithKline is frank about those unpleasant effects, which it says can be controlled if the drug is used properly. The campaign stresses the importance of keeping meals under 15 grams of fat to avoid effects.

Educational materials even recommend people start the program when they have a few days off work, or to bring an extra pair of pants to the office. Experts say a failure to adequately prepare consumers about the effects contributed to Xenical’s limited success.

I know, I know: “side effects, leakages and oily discharge.” Oh my!

On the other hand, that’s precisely what Atkins gave me for the first two weeks — with nary a pound lost. After starting on Volumetrics, I had the exact opposite problem, as many people do once they start eating the proper amount of fiber. In other words, when it comes to dieting — with or without pills — shit happens. Or not. The real question is whether it works?

I haven’t decided whether I’ll try alli yet or not. Frankly, I’m already doing laundry than I can stand — the thought of adding another pair or two of pants to the wash each day is enough to send me hunting for cupcakes. Even if they turn out to be progressively smaller pants.