A long, long time ago I knew a guy who knew a guy who earned a (pretty damn decent) living as a drug mule, swallowing balloons filled with narcotics so he could smuggle them past customs. He worked his way up to this feat by swallowing whole grapes, then chunks of banana, then Vienna Sausages followed by entire hot dogs. When he was able to gulp down a kiwi fruit wrapped in a condom – without throwing it up right away – his “boss” told him that he was ready to start smuggling the real thing. Unfortunately, on his fourth trip one of the heroin-filled balloons he’d swallowed ruptured in his stomach. He was dead long before boarding his plane.

You’d think swallowing drug money, instead of the drugs themselves, would be a much safer occupation. Apparently not.

Customs officials in the Colombian capital noticed a man coming off a flight from Spain who didn’t look very well. One customs agent says the man was nervous and sweating, so he was X-rayed.

The Colombian authorities discovered the man had swallowed 40 latex-wrapped packets containing a total of $197,000 in euros. Officials figure he was trying to smuggle drug profits back into Columbia.

The man is charged with violating currency controls.

I guess it was too rich for his system, huh?

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