I’ll say this for President-elect Obama: he has balls. Ten official balls, at last count, where he’ll personally be on display. Who knows how many unofficial ones there will be?
But here’s the thing about Obama’s balls: they’re big. And while his staff claims he’s got the first-ever Neighborhood Ball, the neighborhood around the White House pretty much threw their own ball when they stormed the president’s house after Andrew Jackson was elected. (His balls were apparently too small for their liking.)
Of course, taxpayers need not fret: we’re not footing the bill for Obama’s big balls. That’s the job of the Presidential Inaugural Committee, which has been busily raising funds to fete Obama’s balls. Sure, actors and other artsy types are happy to fork over $10,000 per head for one of Obama’s balls — and Oprah hasn’t named her going rate yet — but even those steep prices don’t cover the entire expense associated with his balls.
Taxpayers will pay in part for Obama’s balls by footing the bill for House and Senate members to plan the inauguration and balls, by paying for the preparation of alternate locations in the event of inclement weather, by paying for the archiving of documents relating — however tangentially — to the inauguration itself. Oh, and we’ll also pay for the massive security force (Secret Service, Capitol Police, U.S. Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, and Coast Guard) needed to not only secure D.C. and the various environs of Obama’s balls, but to also screen each and every individual who personally attends Obama’s balls.
Perhaps this is what Michelle Obama meant when she said Obama would make us work? Even though she may have warned us, it’s rather infuriating to realize we, too, are now tasked with the responsibility of supporting Obama’s balls although few of us can afford our own. And, meanwhile, we’re all getting the shaft.