When I was a kid, I’d stand in my bathroom using my hairbrush as a microphone and pretend to be a celebrity giving an interview. I actually think I’d make a very good celebrity: I love spending money, have a talent for saying stupid or offensive things off the cuff, and I could easily become accustomed to a life in which others handle my cooking, cleaning, clothing selection and personal grooming. Also, I could seriously get into being paid to party.

Of all the celebrities currently stinking up the headlines, I wouldn’t mind being Kim Kardashian right about now. Oh, sure, I know the Twitterverse is abuzz with outrage over the obvious sham of her 72-day marriage. But who else could turn a marriage that was shorter than the average Sea Monkey’s life into a topic more hotly discussed than the Herman Cain’s smarmy past, the Occupy Wherever protests, whether Conrad Murray killed Michael Jackson, and how Lindsay Lohan is going to get off easy yet again… combined?!

Thanks to Kim, we even have a new measurement of time: the “Kardashian”. Basically, it’s a unit of 72 days of marriage. As in, I’ve been married to VH for 67.67 Kardashians. How about you?

As for Kim’s side of the story, she’s blaming her divorce on “intuition”, saying that she’s just following her heart. Why the hell she didn’t do that before that $10 million wedding (roughly $133,000 per day of marriage) is unclear, but I suggest her intuition was buried the same place her head is.