*Department of Dumbasses

Like everyone else, I woke up to reports of a planned terror attack against the U.S. Evidently we’ve beefed up security enough to make hijacking a plane unfeasible for the terrorists. Nope, this time they planned to take advantage of an all-but-ignored soft spot: liquids.

The sports drink could be combined with a peroxide-based paste to form a potent “explosive cocktail,” if properly done, said a U.S. counterterrorism official.

“There are strong reasons to believe the materials in a beverage like that could have been part of the formula,” the official said. (Source: CNN)

Yep, since the terrorists intending to swap explosive liquids with the contents of their Gatorade bottles and ignite them with an iPod or cell phone, the rest of us get to pay for their plans. No more carrying a Venti Carmel Mocchiato from Starbucks on flights. No more juice boxes for the kiddies or even a bottle of vodka to sneak sips from whenever the turbulence gets too bad. No deodorant for those last-minute fixes before arrival. Hell, women can’t even bring makeup or perfume in their carry-on baggage.

No makeup! No perfume?!

Welcome to hyper-security where airports are guaranteed to be filled with smelly, grumpy, tired people… even more so than they are now.

And the result is this:

Photo: AP

Now, wait a second. I thought the threat involved potentially explosive liquids. So why the hell are we hoarding big piles of them inside the airport?!

UPDATE: In light of Scotland Yard’s belief that the suspects who remain at large may have instructions on what to do if the plot was thwarted, shouldn’t there be a guard at these dump sites at the very least? It only takes one tossed laptop landing square in a bin like that, ya know?

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