I am not the drunk driver you are looking for…

I did not have alcoholic relations with that woman, Miss Kopechne.

“The look on her face? Well, she went kinda like this just before the car went totally under.”

“CHIVAS… It’s 5 0′Clock somewhere!”

First, you act like your adjusting your ipod and then as you “accidentally” run into her you can cop a feel…let me demonstrate.

“Wait wait. Who stole the cork to my lunch?”

(with apologies to W.C. Fields)

“Somebody bring me a drink RIGHT NOW or I’ll press this det…umm…err…or I’ll call somebody!”

“I know they say 10 o’clock/2 o’clock. Ten o’clock is just fine by me.”

Senator Kennedy demonstrates the Congress’ version of an IED: an Improvised Elected Drunk

Nobody move! Now listen close! If you don’t vote for me, I’m going to blow us all up!

Hic…I onleee has….hic..one drinks…hic

“I breathed into this thing, and the car still won’t start.”

Wait a second did I hear the words Bush, car, bridge, ice waters.

“Don’t panic, I’ll get the Chivas, you just bring the girls, ok?”

Note to self: I need a sign in my office that reads “you must be this high to ride the American people.”

is going hunting with Dick Cheney. Wizbang is ready to cut and run hop. Bullwinklette has a new version of ‘Musical Spikes.’ Wyatt Earp is on the dance floor. Public Pondering has started to track Santa’s movementsElectric Venomthinks its time for a drink. Cowboy Blob has a boxed lunch vending machine The Gone Rick Motel has Santa’s handy helpers Brainfuel needs an extension. Other Humor: V the K always has the best pictures at

Invisibul skotsh botl