Dear Network Television and Advertisers

by Venomous Kate

Why we don't watch TV much these daysDear Network Television and Advertisers,

While I’m on the subject of commercials that suck, I would like to take this moment to say that I am sick of Chef Curtis Stone, the guy in the Pledge multi-purpose spray ad, the woman in the Mentos commercial who laments my dirty mouth, and all of the other Brits and Aussies whose accents you advertisers seem to think will make your product sound so much more impressive.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Brits or their former convict offspring from Australia. I don’t even have anything against Curtis Stone. I’m sure he’s a very nice man, and goodness knows he’s easy on the eye. In fact, I wholeheartedly applaud the UK ban on retouched makeup print ads. I’d love to see a similar ban enacted here in America. Then things like this and this would stop.

While we’re at it, those pseudo-telethon “shows” you run during daytime TV to pretend there’s a huge demand for your wares? Or when you try making a commercial look like a news interview? I can’t help wondering just how stupid you think viewers are. If you’re being so openly tricky with your ads, I can only assume you’re just as deceptive when it comes to your actual service.

As for you, Network Executives: enough with the shows about horrible people acting horribly. No, I’m not talking about Big Brother, though surely that show’s run its course by now. This time I’m talking about Whitney and whatever that new show Zooey Deschanel is in.

Oh, sure, it worked for Seinfeld, which is no doubt why you tried to rehash the theme in that awful experiment otherwise known as The New Adventures of Old Christine. But, really, if we wanted to see a bunch of self-indulgent, narcissistic, amoral people screwing up their own lives and the lives of everyone around them, we’d tune into C-Span.

Sincerely,
VK

 

4 Comments to “Dear Network Television and Advertisers”

  1. Seinfeld is going to be on the Freshman Mindset list any year now. It’s been off the air for 13 years already.

  2. And yet, like Friends, you’d be hard-pressed to find a night when there isn’t at least one re-run on.

  3. I just read The Seinfeld Universe. It alludes to how much Seinfeld made from the syndication.

    And probably still is.

  4. I’m at the stage where, even if I’m free, I record the programs. That way I can just speed through the breaks X30. I just can’t stand the ads. My patience has worn completely thin, to the point where I actively relish the thought of the networkd losing their ad money.

    And I’m in Europe – the ads in America happen twice as often. I have no idea what will happen if and when I return to the states.