How Hot Is It? (Open Mic)

by Venomous Kate

It’s so hot, I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner. Okay, your turn. How hot is it?*

     

     
*(Thanks to Twoma, we’re having a competition. Enter early and often! Winner gets a nice, frosty ice cube via snail mail!)

     

     

25 Comments to “How Hot Is It? (Open Mic)”

  1. It’s so hot, my red hair caught fire and charred the shower stall.

  2. It’s so hot I updated that blog entry four times before I caught the “you’re turn” typo.

  3. It’s so hot, that when I milk my goats, I get pudding.

  4. It’s so hot, I’ve already sweated my way through three St. Thomas bought “tropical” shirts and it ain’t even noon. I’LL BE NAKED BY 3PM… you don’t want that God, do ya?

  5. It’s so hot….wait, I’m in Oregon. Can I do “it’s so wet” jokes?

  6. No.

  7. It’s so hot, today I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

  8. It’s so hot that the cows are giving evaporated milk.

  9. It’s so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

  10. Right now, I live abroad in an area that is on the warm side of cool, full of clouds and occasionally it actually rains. No, really.

    It’s so hot that my family stateside now envies me.

    This one might actually be mean and taunting.

  11. It’s so hot I can’t even get up the energy to bitch slap Liz for that.

  12. Its so hot I spit and it didn’t reach the sidewalk.

  13. It’s so hot VK left the ice in her martini.

  14. It’s so hot, I’m sunbathing at night.

  15. My favorite comes from a Dave Barry column in which he wrote it was so hot that birds were bursting into flames in mid-air and nuns were cursing openly on the street.

  16. It’s so hot that, the instant the temps dip below 90, I feel the need for a sweater.

  17. It’s so hot, I saw a sheep with the electric shears in it’s mouth, and the rest of the flock looking around the barn for an outlet.

  18. Good one, Dan!

  19. VK wins with # 9

  20. Wait, there’s still:

    It’s so hot, cows are giving condensed milk.

  21. Just you wait till tomorrow.

    It will be so hot the devil will be condemning sinners to Kansas..

  22. This isn’t part of the “It;s So Hot” gig but I couldn’t resist. It is a comment about the blood red lake in Texas.

    Warrenabout an hour ago
    It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by
    sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving
    out rain-checks, The Mormons quit baptizing the dead and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back
    into water. Now that’s Dry!

  23. The blood red lake: OC Fisher Reservoir… yeah, the end-timers are apoplectic over it being a sign of the apocalypse.

  24. Yeah, if that were a sigh of the end of time then it would have happened a long time ago. This blood red algae isn’t new. Haven’t we all heard of :the red tide”?

    If I believed the end of this world were near the first thing I wold do would be to borrow as much money as I could.There are other things I would do but I don’t want to tip them off.

  25. Yep, if I thought it was really the end of the world there are quite a few people whom I’d like to tell off. What, y’all think I’m harsh NOW? You oughta hear what goes through my brain BEFORE my mouth censors it. ;)