For the rest of us – who love our kids, want to raise them well, and want them to go on to become good responsible adults…we ALL give up quite a lot of things. Be you a father who is working at an uninspiring job because it does good things for your family… then coming home at the end of the day to be the dad. Be you a mother who works because the family can’t survive on one income or to keep your “spot” in the work world… and then comes home to be the mom. Or be you a SAHM or DAHM (yes I’ve known a few of these rare men) who are at home all day with the kids because you can survive on one income OR the job you could have – doesn’t even pay for child care costs.

Each parent gives up things to make their child’s life better or more comfortable. We would all just love to be doing something “important” being a rocket scientist or curing cancer… but even without kids – those sorts of lives come to very very few of us. We would each love to be able to do things just for us – and not have to worry about how it will effect a family…

The thing is – even if we only had to consider ourselves… if we could do whatever we wanted…it is highly unlikely that life would be a whole lot different! Mainly because most of the people we know are doing the same thing we are doing – raising a family. So – if you weren’t at home with kids – your friends wouldn’t be available to hang out with you… so you’d be at home alone or out at a bar… How different would your job REALLY be?

We always think that we have it worse – the grass is always greener… it just ain’t so – it’s a flawed perception and it causes much heartache. I’ve been a SAHM and I work out of my house rather than an office… I can tell you from experience – you are HIGHLY overrating the charms of spending all your time at home! Even a very nice home.

That is to say, I wouldn’t be a SAHM unless he and I had decided, together, that it’s best for our kids. Likewise, if he were to decide that he wanted to stay home with them rather than work (as he did when we were first married) then I would have to go back to work (as I did when we were first married).

We all have choices, it’s just that sometimes one of the options is so undesireable or inconceivable to us that we can’t recognize it as an alternative.

As for Mike’s question whether women have always been like this… Sure. Just as men compete in athletics and other efforts which “prove” their masculinity, women are competitive in areas which “prove” our femininity. What is more patently uber-female than birthing and raising children?

Of course it makes a huge difference to my family. We moved to a nicer neighborhood of older homes. I have a decent house with a half-acre yard with lots of beautiful trees and a great tree house that me and my 11 year old son built this summer. My son frequently says that moving to this new neighborhood was the best thing that has happened to him (smile).

My job with its decent pay and great benefits has contributed greatly to his comfort and happiness. I understand this, but of course I am trapped here (or somewhere else doing the same thing) for at least the next 8-10 years. However I still get up in the morning and go to my job that I don’t like, because its what I need to do to help fullfill my obilgations as a parent. Kate many of us (particularly men) do not have choices about working or staying home with the kids (making a huge difference in the world by raising capable adults).

I really did have it easy. I could ‘escape’ when I needed to and thanks to my mother, I had no doubt my children were “perfect”. She just couldn’t understand how I ended up with them.

Have I mentioned lately how happy I am that my kids are not small any more? Of course back in the day (gads I feel old!) I was home with the kids and there was no internet or blogosphere or even women I’d want to go hang with and chit chat for the morning. I think the 5 years I was a SAHM were about the most lonely in my entire life… but I made it through. We all do eventually.

And, to this day – more than anything – I loathe those women who would make you feel shitty for not being “perfect.”